I remember many years ago, when I was first introduced to the teachings of Ken Wilber, transpersonal psychology writer.

He said men on the evolutionary scale have two instincts.

What are men’s two primary instincts historically?

The first instinct for a man, he said, is to KILL IT.

Kill, hunt, get the prey, conquer, win, feed the tribe.

Today that means make the deal, win the case, crush the project, get the client, fill the coffers.

The other instinct he spoke of is simply termed FUCK IT.

Yes, actually have intercourse, penetrate, enter the vulva, have sex, and procreate, spread his seed, enlarge his domain.

Can you relate to those two instincts?

And yet, over the last 50 years, with the rise of feminism and women’s empowerment, those two instincts have been significantly challenged.

A third instinct is required of men, one that has typically the domain of women, which I’ll speak to in a moment.

In today’s new world, a man who stays only in the lane of the fuck it and kill it instincts, always fighting, conquering, and trying to have sex, will fall short in achieving his happiness.

The same outcome occurs for the man who ignores those two instincts altogether.

That’s the guy who doesn’t manifest financially, doesn’t conquer, and shuts down his sexuality because he fears rejection or he’s got a cold partner.

Are you the guy who manifests or abdicates financially? The guy who embraces his sexuality or rejects it?

To do both well today – fuck it and kill it – require mastery of a third instinct I mentioned prior historically in the domain of the female.

An instinct that is a massive growth curve for men who have only had to develop this instinct 50 out of the last 10,000 years.

That third instinct is TO EMOTE, relate to it, connect emotionally.

The man who knows what he’s feeling and can express his feelings without being whiney, self-pitying, or aggressive.

This helps a man be a better and more fulfilled father, a more empowered and loving husband, and often uplifts his business as well.

And the capacity to emote and emotionally connect is key to a man’s ability to have a sexually fulfilling marriage or long-term relationship.

Doing otherwise is treating her or sex like a transaction or an obligation.

And it leads to acting out three key dynamics in which your partner shuts down sexually to you, which I discuss in the video below.

You have a fuck it instinct. Of course, she’s not an it. She’s so much more.

Once you discover why your wife no longer wants sex, you’ll be on the path to knowing what it takes to create the kick-ass sex life you deserve.

To start on the path to a better sex life, shoot me a quick email to jump on a 15-minute call and see how 1:1 coaching can help you achieve your relationship goals.

Or join me on my Men’s Relationship Tools weekly call on Tuesdays at 12pm ET, a couching roundtable for any man to get relationship support for only $47/month.

Check it out anytime. First call is free.