Every married guy has been here. What about you?

Your wife asks you your opinion on something – the curtains, the placemats, or a school thing with your kid.

So you give your opinion. I like the blue curtains. The red placemats look great. Sure, let’s get a tutor for Billy.

And then she does what she wants, as if you never said a thing. You ask yourself…

Why did she even bother to ask my opinion?

And it happens again. Rinse and repeat.

Over time, you stop sharing your thoughts. Your opinions.

And then eventually, a distance builds between you and her. As if you live in separate worlds.

Maybe on a rare day, she still asks your opinion but you just withdraw and don’t give it.

Or a part of you says actually it’s better that she doesn’t ask my opinion because she didn’t listen to me anyway.

Without knowing it, at least consciously, (but you feel it) you’re stuck where you are with her. A status quo.

You have a story. She doesn’t consider me. She does her own thing. She does not care about me.

Do you feel disregarded by your wife?

If so, chances are you don’t ask yourself this next question.

How can I lead in my relationship?

Most guys say, hell, I’d just like to be able to have an opinion that she listens to.

But you gave that up a while ago.

So you don’t try to lead but you let her lead – at least in the domain of ordinary things – house, kids, etc.

And yet chances are you lead in other areas, like money, but it doesn’t feel like leadership. It just feels like you do your thing and she follows.

You try to explain the savings, planning, investments to her, but she doesn’t really pay attention. She says, “That’s your thing, not mine.”

So it’s as if you’re alone again. And that’s the problem. Feeling alone in your marriage. Now where you’re not alone is when you become relational.

When you look at yourself, the relationship you want, and step in to create it.

That’s a level of leadership few men ever act on or even know they can. At least in a way that invites her to participate.

So why don’t you lead in the relationship? And why won’t she let you?

In this video discover three reasons why she shuts down your leadership and what to do about it.

For those short on time, here’s a headline on the video. For the robust version, watch the video.

Part of the reason she shuts down your leadership is she’s been conditioned to. She has such a need for voice – and this comes from her wound of not having one as a little girl – that she can’t even consider your voice.

Another piece is that you’ve suppressed your voice, so when it comes out, it typically comes out sideways with resentments.

Sort yourself out, brother. Learn to lead in your relationship. The work starts with you.

Yes if one person changes, the other is forced to change. Or not. And that’s great info for you as well.

Learn to lead in your relationship. Take the first step.

Shoot me a quick email.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu

P.S. Join a group of men tackling their relationship challenges head-on every Tuesday at 12pm ET on the Men’s Relationship Tools calls.

First call is free. Reply to get a zoom link.