We live in unprecedented times, when a woman is more independent than ever.

What a great thing – be it climbing the corporate ladder, pursuing her spiritual journey, or living in her freedom and autonomy.

At its best, the new landscape offers a woman many options in her life.

At its worst, she uses her independence to disconnect from her male partner.

She keeps him at a distance.

And at its most damaging, she dominates or abuses him.

Does your wife or partner dominate you?

If so, you may not have explicitly linked her independence to her disconnection from you.

But chances are you feel it inside of you. You feel it from her tone of voice, her unwillingness to get close to you.

Her behavior says, “I don’t need you.”

At worst, like many of my clients, your partner denies that you have any significant utility or purpose in her life.

And denying a man of his utility or purpose is a massive stripping of his power.

Does your wife or partner deny your value to her?

As men, we get our greatest relational value by knowing our worth to our partner.

Knowing we have purpose, worth, utility.

Knowing we are serving her and the family well.

Typically we do that through providing financially.

And yet it may not be recognized or fully valued by her.

Are you honored for what you contribute?

My client Jim worked a full-time executive job providing abundantly for his family.

And yet his wife consistently told him how he did not measure up, how he had no value in the family with his sons.

“You don’t know how to talk to the boys.”

“They don’t see you as an equal to me.”

“Nor do you show up for me emotionally.”

Jim was lost, confused.

“How’s that possible? I’m doing more and more everyday with my boys, with the house, with her. And still it’s never enough for her.”

Jim was desperate to show his worth to his wife.

And unfortunately that desperation only further affirmed his wife’s beliefs that he was not enough for her.

Do you feel like you’re not enough for your wife or partner?

If so, own this experience. Be honest with yourself that likely you could do better, could show up more.

But DO NOT put yourself at her mercy.

DO NOT put yourself in a one-down position with her.

A position where you can easily be dominated by her.

Do you feel one-down or dominated by your wife?

If so, in the video below learn three levels at which you can regain your power to turn around a “not enough” dynamic in your relationship.

For those short on time, I’ll give you a few headlines.

The first level is tactical… learning your self-worth, being able to set healthy boundaries.

Identifying your wants and needs to speak them relationally instead of transactionally (“if you do A then I’ll do B”).

The second level is… knowing what your emotions are telling you; this happens through two gateways.

The cognitive gateway to emotions extracts the memo an emotion seeks to communicate to you – i.e. fear is about safety, anger is about protection, joy is about love.

The heart gateway is… to feel emotions in your heart without falling apart, building resilience with fear and anger, knowing discomfort vs danger.

The third level is somatic… in the body, the energy behind the emotion and thoughts.

The natural intuitive intelligence of your animal body that western civilization has cut us off from.

Reclaim these three levels to stop being dominated or sidelined in your marriage or relationship.

Take the first step like Jim did. Shoot me a quick email.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu

P.S. Not ready to send an email?

Don’t isolate. Join a band of relational warriors – a small group of men – meeting online every Tuesday at 12pm ET on the Men’s Relationship Tools calls.

First call is free. Reply to get a zoom link.