Ben was a successful account executive in his company. A fierce competitor. He pushed hard to go after what he wanted.

He was a great connector when it came to people. At work, he was confident and capable. He loved what he did.

Yet at home, it was a totally different story. At home, he lived in fear.

Fear that he couldn’t make his wife happy. Fear that he would upset her at any moment. Fear that she’d never be intimate with him. Fear that she would leave him and he’d be alone forever.

Do you experience fear in your marriage?

Ben was so deep in fear that he couldn’t get out of it. As you can imagine, that made things worse.

Fear can grab a man and never let go.

Fear that your wife will never want to be intimate again. Fear that she will not open up to you again. Fear that you’ll die in a sexless marriage.

What do you fear in your relationship?

Ben didn’t even really know. It took us talking several times before he was even willing to acknowledge that he had any fears.

He had that classic tough-guy facade. But even though he wouldn’t name it, he felt the symptoms – his wife ignoring him, her getting upset at small things, his feeling like he had to hideout.

Often he would feel agitated at home. He’d wonder, What’s going on? Why is everything she’s doing annoying me? Why do I want to just run and hide?

Do you ever want to just disappear from your marriage?

When Ben spoke to me about it, I helped him realize that his desire to hide out had a healthy intention, to be safe, but it presented itself in a way that actually made him less safe.

When he hid out from his wife, he became less trustworthy to her. So of course, she got more irritable and annoyed with him.

What if instead, you could gain your wife’s trust by engaging directly with her?

You’d learn that you don’t need to hideout. You’d develop the confidence to speak honestly with your partner about your experiences without having things blow up on you.

And that’s where Ben built up his confidence. He started doing things that seemed almost impossible months prior.

Things like having hard honest conversations that brought his wife and him closer. Noticing when he wanted to run but instead engaging. Feeling fear without capitulating to it.

Over time, he built up the capacity to work with his anxieties with his wife to relax and just be himself.

What if you could just relax and be yourself with your wife?

Check out this video where I offer 3 powerful strategies for how to get past your fears when it comes to your relationship.

I hate to say it, but fear is a fact of life.

But when we listen to fear, instead of just capitulating to it, fear has a powerful message for us, one that Ben learned quickly.

95% of the time, fear’s message simply is “I want you to be safe.”

Extract that message and make fear work FOR you instead of against you.

It’s then that you’ll feel safer in your skin. You’ll have more capacity to keep your cool and be the confident man that you seek to be in your relationship.

Do you want to learn to work with your fears instead of being worked over by them?

If so, take a simple first step like Ben did. Shoot me a quick email. Let’s explore what’s possible for you in an initial conversation.

And getting past your fears is one of many things I teach men at The Men’s Relationship School.

For $47/month, MRS will help you…

• Learn simple strategies to work with fear when it comes to your relationship.
• Develop self-confidence by doing things that once felt impossible.
• And finally become you again – the real, authentic confident you, not a guy who hides out.

Lastly, if you´re on the brink of divorce, email me at info@stuartmotola.com to learn about a personalized group coaching program for guys learning to do relationship ending amicably for the well-being of their kids & own mental and emotional health.