Sex and marriage. They can feel like oil and water. Two separate entities skimming the surface of one another.

I hear men often say things like…

Sex is the last thing on my wife’s mind.

She’s physically shut down.

She’s just so busy.

I’m at the bottom of her list.

Hey man, I know this great massage parlor.

A lack of sex in his marriage is a big deal for a man. Over time, he internalizes the situation.

And what gets internalized is rejection. This happens explicitly in two ways.

Do you fear making things worse talking about sex with your wife?

The first way a man internalizes how he experiences a sexless marriage is by burying it, resigning it, trying to just get by with whatever he can get.

The second way is by struggling to voice it, doing nothing to make change, and staying in a cycle for months or years of a mindset of jeez, how can I continue like this?

Both ways are based on a man’s decision to avoid something, instead of going after what he wants. And this diminishes a man’s identity and self-esteem.

A man in a sexless marriage feels a loss of his sense of aliveness. Something is missing in his life.

When he’s resigned and not acting on the sexual challenges in his marriage, he’s avoiding more rejection. And it makes total sense.

Why expose yourself to the same old sexual rejection?

But in staying small and safe, he loses his ability to take charge of his marriage. To feel like he’s at least moving in the right direction to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with his wife.

And one way to create such a marriage is to look under the hood of resignation and what’s being avoided.

Avoidance is the story a man often buys into, a story a confident man rejects.

And that’s my job as a men’s coach. To help a man see what he cannot see with the mindset he’s currently in.

The problem is not just a sexless marriage. But how you keep yourself safe from taking the risk to change it.

The latter is your orientation, your self-talk about the state of your sexless marriage.

What is your self-talk about sex in your marriage?

Often, it’s… She’s just not open. This is a lost cause. Or I don’t know what to do.

All of these keep a man in a diminished state.

What would it be like to show up big to talk to your wife about sex in a way that…

… lowered the risk of rejection?

… was strong and vulnerable?

… melted her heart?

… moistened her insides?

In the video below, I do all of that, as if I was speaking to my actual partner about our sexless relationship. I tell her why sex is so important for me and what I really want when it comes to a fulfilling sexual relationship.

As I say in the video above, sex is not just a cock-release. Sex is connection. It is deep intimacy. And sex is the most powerful way to experience your union.

And let’s get clear, this is not a sales job on her. This is a guide on how to authentically communicate what sex is for you. How to express desire and love.

This is not the job of a man who is willing to take risks in order to create the marriage he wants.

It’s time to get out the elephant in the room. Would you agree?

And let’s get real. It won’t happen in a one-and-done kind of deal. Anyone peddling that kind of stuff is full of BS.

Creating a sexually fulfilling marriage takes courage and a willingness for a man to claim his own desires and own what he wants in connection with his wife.

Are you that man ready to do, with help, what may have seemed impossible prior?

I believe you are. Or else you wouldn’t be reading this.

Life is short. You deserve more than just to be another thing on your wife’s list. And she deserves all of you as well.

Creating a sexually fulfilling marriage does not happen by information alone but by action, by getting in the room with the things you fear.

And as much as we guys like to go it alone, this is not a solo job. Alone does not get the job done. Alone, it’s too easy to bow out when things get hard.

As your coach, I won’t let that happen. I will keep you on track to create the marriage you dream of and to know if it’s even possible with your current wife.

Action is the only way to get out of living the rest of your life resigned to a sexless marriage.

Let’s talk for 45 minutes. A guaranteed, powerful conversation about what it will take to make the impossible possible for you. Shoot me a quick email.

And when we talk, there’s no sales job, just an honest conversation between two men being kind and real.

I’d be honored to hear from you because I know that even the first small step of an email is a huge act of courage.

If that’s too big of a step for you, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

And lastly, if you´re currently going through a divorce, reply to get the support you need during a hard time.