Jim was a high-powered business guy. He had a talent for making big deals happen.

He was a rock star at work but man, did he get his boat rocked when it came to his marriage.

Do you experience success at work but failure in your marriage?

For my client Jim, that was a clear yes. At work, he had a great track record. And from that track record, he had a clear road map to success.

This involved knowing how to massage conversations, when to talk to which guy on his team, and knowing when to have sensitive conversations.

But at home with his wife, he had what I sometimes call “repetitive failure syndrome.” In other words, a track record of repeated failures that left him at a loss as to how to move forward in his marriage.

Do you experience repeated failures in your marriage?

Maybe like Jim, you experience a sense of – she’s cold and distant. Or you view your partner as the opposite, heated and hysterical. Some guys tell me she’s unwilling to let them in for physical or emotional connection.

Whatever you’re experiencing in your relationship, there’s a way in which you co-create the dynamic you’re in without even knowing it.

For Jim, it was his critical judgments of his wife that kept her cold and distant. And yet he wasn’t even aware he was judging her.

“I’m just trying to be honest with her. She asks me to tell her what’s on my mind. And while I try to say things kindly, she always takes it as a criticism.”

Do you unknowingly create a challenging dynamic with your wife?

Maybe you walk on eggshells around her, which causes her to not fully trust you, not sure if you really mean what you say.

Or maybe you retreat and withdraw when conflict happens because you’re a nice guy who fears conflict.

There are many patterns we guys fall into unknowingly co-creating a challenged marriage.

The big question that I ask my clients and asked Jim is…

Will you take the next simple step to improve your marriage?

In Jim’s case, he had no idea what that next step was. Stuck in repeated failures, including failed couples therapy, he fell into a resignation that left him questioning the point of any efforts.

And as a means of self-protection, he had created a “one and done” mentality. An internal script that said, I gotta fix this mess fast or I’m screwed.

Well, as you can imagine, that was unrealistic and put a ton of pressure on him, causing him to want to withdraw and retreat from making additional efforts to save his marriage.

Mentally drowning in failure, he had no trust in the process of improving his relationship.

Yet in business, he was a master of patience with process. He knew big deals didn’t just happen in one conversation. They took patience, listening, and seeing what was needed in each moment.

So I invited Jim into the process of saving his marriage.

“This is a process, Jim,” I said. “Let’s take some of those Jedi powers you have at work and apply them to your marriage. And that means to be willing to break down the steps.”

He nodded. He got it. Applying his business patience to his marriage helped him relax a bunch.

So, we got to the next step, which minimized the risks and motivated him to show up anew.

What’s the next simple step for you to improve your marriage?

This is a great question because it helps take the pressure off this idea that you have to slay the dragon of fixing your marriage in one swoop. That’s not how relationship works.

Think of relationship as a shy, timid animal. It retreats when it gets scared. So it needs presence, patience, and protection.

Knowing this gives a guy a framework to understand the process better. It helped Jim see what would be involved in improving his marriage.

If a guy can see the roadmap to success in his marriage, he’s much more likely to step on that road to achieve marital success.

Are you ready to take the next step in your marriage?

Learn more about the next simple step you can take to save your marriage in the video below.

What will it take to save your marriage?

Maybe you struggle to know. You’re like Jim who had a series of repetitive failures when it came to even trying to save his marriage.

But what was really in question wasn’t how to save his marriage. It was how he could approach it in a way that empowered him to have small successes, from which to build.

His first step was starting to not go all wounded puppy dog when his wife was cold and distant.

What’s the next simple step for you to save your marriage?

Jim took another simple step to save his marriage as well, and that was to shoot me a quick email.

Let’s talk, like I did with Jim, for 45 minutes. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on saving your marriage.

And to be clear, talking means no sales job, just an honest conversation between two guys keeping it real.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Even the first small step of an email is a huge act of courage.

And if you’re more of a group guy, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, and more.

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And lastly, if you´re currently going through a divorce, reply to get the support you need during a hard time.