Let’s face it. We men want to make our woman happy.

In that effort, many of us fall into a pattern. Ask yourself if this pattern applies to you.

Your partner complains about your behavior or who you are. You get the message that you’re not enough for her.  And you may even feel like you’ve failed her.

You don’t know what to do or how to make her happy. And then you spiral into feeling like the relationship is a lost cause, she’s too much to deal with, or you’ll never make her happy.

She raises the volume on her complaints and critiques. You see her as too much, hysterical, or even crazy.

Do you experience your wife as hysterical?

If so, remember, your judgment of her is a defense, a form of protecting yourself from your perceived failures.

That makes sense. We all protect ourselves from perceived attacks or failures.

But let’s make one thing clear. We don’t make the best decisions from a protective posture.

What if her being unhappy or hysterical is not your failure, but hers?

When you live in the perception of having failed your partner, you may notice that you are giving over your center to her.

You’re putting her esteem of you over your own self-esteem. That’s called enmeshment, and it plays out in not knowing where you begin and she ends.

You may even have an unconscious pattern of acting, as many guys do, as if she is the oracle of what’s right and wrong in relationship.

This is what I call pivoting on her. It’s a form of abdicating your own sense of inner authority and what’s right for you.

Do you abdicate from your own needs in order to try to meet hers?

Truth be known, guys often don’t even know what they want or need in relationship. Instead, they’re in their short-term reactive needs of get her off my back, have things chill, have her be OK.

If you dig deeper below the surface, your needs and wants are not about her response to you. They are what you’re trying to create in your relationship.

Often it’s as simple as, I want to be respected, valued, and treated lovingly.

This orientation keeps you focused on you and not just following her complaints and critiques, like a ping-pong ball. That’s a lost cause.

Are you clear on what you need in your relationship?

The paradox here is that as you’re more centered and grounded in yourself, you’re more able to give her what she wants.

You’re more able to be that steady, solid, confident man who doesn’t get rocked by her changing moods or requests.

Do you want to be a solid guy in your marriage?

In the video below, discover a three-second tip to get out of feeling disempowered with a hysterical or volatile partner.

Pivoting off of your partner disempowers you from being you. You have to get clear on what’s working for you and what is not, as well.

But that doesn’t mean you ignore your wife’s needs. It just means that you consider them from a place of side by side, instead of over or under, where you take on her burdens or judge her.

That means being caring instead of caretaking. That will get you more in your power and be the confident, loving man she wants you to be and that will feel better for you.

Are you ready to create the marriage you ultimately seek?

If so, let’s have a quick chat. A chat is a guaranteed, powerful conversation to give you meaningful insights on how to create the marriage you want.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation.

I’d be honored to hear from you. Move into action and shoot me a quick email.

And for the women reading this, wanting to learn more about men, here is a special link for you women.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship School.