Category: couples therapy

Men, Tears, & Strength

A man cries. Something opens up in him. He can’t hold in his pain anymore. His heart hurts. His wife has left him. Or he has left her. Either way, he grieves. Men cry. I see this often in my work. Contrary to common belief, they are strong men. Very strong. Strong enough to… Access their sadness. Trust others to […]

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2 Characters Who Keep You Small

Withholds — it’s not a word often spoken between couples. And yet withholds are everywhere in relationship. Maybe you don’t speak a hard truth to your partner. Or maybe you don’t ask for what you need. Or maybe you don’t put the work you want to into your primary relationship (i.e. look at yourself, repair conflict, etc) These are withholds — places where you keep […]

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Focus On The Repair, Not The Damage

The Ideal Relationship — What’s it look like? Have you ever been in one?  When I’ve asked clients, they’ve said things like: We’re deeply connected. We stay open to one another. We never fight. Notice the last statement. Do you know couples who never fight? Anyone come to mind? Likely not. How about we change that last statement to “we navigate […]

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4 Relational Conflict Styles – Which One Are You ?

Conflict in relationship – it sucks. You know how it goes. She says this. He says that. She gets angry. He gets pissed. Something hurtful is said somewhere along the way. Both of you are triggered and feel really unsafe. Two individuals, supposedly together, spin down separate rabbit holes. Thoughts fly off the handle. Do I have a future with […]

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I Trust You To Keep Me Safe

“There’s this thing,” a client says to me. Mark looks up to the heavens, as if he’ll find the word there. He’s 51. “It’s happening with me and Felicia. I’m not sure what to call it. It’s… a lining up of sorts. Love… and yet something else…” He looks up again. “It’s like she knows what I’m thinking. Not like […]

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