“Are you crazy? Ask her for sex?” my client Tom asked me. “She’ll freak out on me.” I had just encouraged Tom to ask his wife for what he wanted from her. In his own words, that was sex. Simple enough. “How is avoiding it serving you?” I said to him. He thought about it. Like many men I coach, […]
Let’s say you have relationship problems. Where’s the first place you might turn? Likely, it’s a therapist. That makes sense. There are lots of therapists out there. A dude assumes he’s got stuff to work out. But when it comes to fixing his relationship problems, therapy often falls short for most men. Why do guys often struggle in therapy? In short, […]
Charles shoots me a quick email. Eventually, we talk. He says something I hear from a lot of guys. “I can never be enough for her. I do 9 out of the 10 things she asks me to do. And then I get railed on for not doing the 10th thing.” Can you relate to not being enough for your partner? I’ve […]
“Too bad if you don’t like who I am!” a guy says. He walks out on his wife, thinking, F*#k her, I don’t need this shit anymore. Have you ever been pissed & walked out on your partner? I have. It feels like shit, especially when it happens often. And afterwards, maybe you’re thinking, Do I really have to go back home […]
3 guys in marriages that feel hopeless have a similar story. We never have sex. I can’t make her happy. It’s hopeless. You’ve heard it before. And yet… Are you living in what feels like a hopeless marriage? I was that guy. You know, feeling stuck in the marital dead zone. Maybe you’re like guy #3. Fine with the dead […]
Rick hadn’t been intimate with his wife for almost a year. They’d been married for fifteen. “Once in a blue moon, she’ll let me touch her breasts,” Rick said, as if reluctantly accepting a consolation prize. His options, in his view, were to stay in a sexless marriage or leave and risk losing his family. The double bind of Damned if you do, […]
A man is struggling in his marriage. But he doesn’t know that there are options for him to improve things. Options beyond HIDING OUT on his phone, ESCAPING through work, getting his physical needs met through porn, or RUNNING from reality into booze or pot. In truth, he feels crappy about acting like this. He hides his behaviors from his kids and wife, and at times, has them out […]
Sol was an account executive with a broadband company. He worked his ass off at work. You know, the whole “climb the ladder” thing. But even better for him, he loved what he did. Much of his work served the developed world. A mission he believed in. At home, it was good and all but… there’s always a but. Anyway, he came to me […]
Social distancing? Or sexual distancing? For many couples, it’s been one in the same. You might be in the same physical space. But are you in the same relational or sexual space? Are you seeing one another? Working as a team? Helping one another get through this COVID madness all the better for it? If you are, you’re likely having more […]
In these coronavirus times, I’m seeing some remarkable things. Men are getting real, vulnerable, removing their masks and exposing their fears on a mass cultural level like never before. I don’t ever recall New York Times columnist David Brooks speak so intimately. Would you be willing to describe how the coronavirus is affecting your mental health? Is the combination of isolation […]
