In my 20 year marriage, I had a few holidays where my wife and I were just not in a good way. We weren’t talking much. We were functional or barely dealing with one another. I was wondering if we should stay together or not. And then there was this pressure to get gifts and show up “happy” for her […]
Fear. It shows up often in relationship. I hear a lot of men saying things like… I fear her anger. Or, I fear I’ll never be enough for her. I also hear, I fear she’ll never want to have sex again. I fear that if I try to talk about it, she’s gonna blow up at me. Do you have […]
Love ‘em or hate ‘em. The holidays are still coming. Watching the game. Making the stuffing. Carving the turkey. Eating until we’re stuffed. Black Friday. Preparing for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanza. Exchanging gifts. Being with loved ones. Planning for New Year’s. The big night out or the big party. Resolutions, anyone? It’s a time of social commitments, family gatherings, work […]
We’ve been together 7 years, a man says. We’ve been together 12 years, says another. We’ve been together 22 years, says a third guy. What do all these guys have in common? All of them flatlined in their marriages. They all felt dead inside with their partner. They struggled with passion in their marriages. Passion. It often fades in a […]
I remember 8 years ago, I first started asking the question. It was in my kitchen where I was washing the dishes in my suburban house in Boulder, CO. Feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed with everything in my life – from running my business, helping run a household, raising a son, and all the other stuff that comes with it. […]
William is a high-powered exec in his day job but a humiliated servant at home. His wife steamrolls over him when it comes to just about anything. On top of that, she wants him to step up and be more manly. And while he has a sense of what it means to be more “manly,” he wonders, how the hell […]
Rick was like many of my clients. A high-achieving executive, he crushed it at work but at home all his skills and talents fell flat. His marriage was floundering and his wife was unhappy. Do you get more validation at work than from your wife? If you do, it would make sense that you might be avoidant at home. Such […]
The house of your marriage is on fire. You spin in the same conflict with your wife. You hear the same words from her. “I can’t trust you. You don’t do what you say. I don’t feel like you’re on my team.” It’s enough for a guy to lose hope in the future of his marriage. And even worse, lose […]
“She shuts down on me,” my client Rick says to me. He’s not used to that. In his work as a tech CEO, he consistently has the attention and focus of others. He’s used to his words being heard and people being open to him. “Sometimes I can’t figure out what I did. Why’s she like that?” Does your wife […]
Vulnerability. It’s a bit of a buzzword in the relationship world these days. Brené Brown speaks about it often. Specifically, how it’s important to “embrace your vulnerability.” Why bother? Why be vulnerable with your wife? Well, if your marriage is on the rocks, pay attention. 90% of divorces in college-educated couples are initiated by the wife. Yes, a staggering number. […]
