Do You Make Yourself Responsible For Your Wife’s Poor Behavior?
Here’s a crazy phenomenon I see with many married men. Are you this guy?
A man walks into his kitchen to get a snack after working in his office.
His wife walks into the kitchen. And bam, out of nowhere, she starts coming at him.
“Hey,” she says, “you said you’d take care of the appointment for the kids. I never got a confirmation. Did you do it?” She pauses and gives him that you’re in trouble look. “You didn’t, did you? How can I trust you…….?
And then she’s off to the races.
Does your wife freak out at you about little things?
Are you that guy described above?
Even worse, this guy who is a good guy blames himself for his wife being upset.
He doesn’t observe it objectively, thinking, she’s really upset.
Instead, he internalizes it like a failure and tells himself, “I upset her again.”
It’s a big difference from “she’s upset” to “I upset her.” Kind of like the Grand Canyon in terms of meaning and what you take on as a man.
The guy in this situation is taking on his wife’s poor behavior.
Do you make yourself responsible for your wife’s poor behavior?
If so, what’s the benefit to you of doing so?
Is it to keep the peace?
To not get her more upset?
To show you care?
Or to prove you’re a good guy?
What if you could prove you’re a good guy without cutting off your arm?
What if you could be a good guy and not have to take on her poor behavior?
Remember, it’s not what she says, but how. What if you told her that?
Maybe you’re saying, yeah right, Stuart, you don’t live with this woman. Every time I try to speak up, it just makes things worse.
I get it, I lived that in a 20+ year marriage. I’m here to tell you it does not have to be like that.
To help you change the negative dynamic with your wife, I want to offer you a superpower tool.
It’s quite simple. And it will help you turn her complaint into a request.
To implement it effectively, check out the video below. And in the text below, learn how this tool can transform your marriage.
While the complaint to request is a superpower tool, it will not work for all guys. The truth is, not all guys will have the courage and confidence to implement it.
They will be stuck in the fear of further upsetting their wife.
Do you fear further upsetting your wife?
If so, I understand. Fear of rocking the boat is the greatest obstacle to a man seeking to change his relationship.
But the guys who want to be successful in their marriage, and are willing to work at it, step into the trenches with fear.
Remember, courage is presence with fear, not the absence of fear.
Do you have the courage to transform your wife’s complaints into requests?
With requests, you shift your relationship into a productive dynamic. You get information that helps you be on your wife’s team.
Requests put the responsibility on your wife to articulate as an adult what she wants moving forward. It’s not all on you.
On the flip side, complaints are past-oriented, dragging you into all the times that you screwed up. And they feel like crap to any man.
Does your wife bring up the past often?
If so, it’s time to change that.
Furthermore, to be clear, when you get her request, you don’t just blindly agree to it.
You pause and decide how and in what way you can meet it. That’s part of reclaiming your power in your marriage. I speak more to that in the video above.
Stop making yourself responsible for your wife’s freak outs.
Do you want to reclaim your power in your marriage?
If so, join a group of strong and resilient men in my Men’s Relationship Tools Zoom call Tuesdays, at 9am MST.
Can’t join us on Tuesday? Then get back in the driver’s seat of your marriage by joining my private men’s-only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.
