Death revive my relationship? Say what?

Ok, man, tell me about that.

Yes, I know it sounds crazy.

When I say death, I’m not talking about actual physical death.

I mean the death that brings laser-sharp clarity to what needs to die in your relationship.

What behaviors need to die in your relationship?

Here are a few I’ve seen my clients identify over the years.

• Being at the mercy of her critiques or complaints.
• Stepping on a landmine while trying to stand up for yourself.
• Doing conflict poorly.
• Not feeling confident with her.
• Anxiously attaching to her.

Well, pick from the list or add to it.

These are all things that need to die in a man’s relationship.

And when I say die, I mean let go of, to be released.

And the great value in asking yourself what needs to die in your relationship is this…

It opens a natural doorway to what is seeking to be born.

What needs to be born in your relationship?

A few that my clients have identified.

• Healthy relational self-advocacy.
• Doing conflict productively to enhance trust.
• Being authentic with your wants and needs.
• Feeling confident in your ability to handle hard stuff.

These all sound great.

But more important than identifying the good stuff is knowing what gets in the way of implementing it.

What gets in the way of implanting healthy relational strategies with your partner?

More often than not, what gets in the way is the fear of uncertainty.

We prefer the struggle we know rather than the solution that we fear may not work.

Let’s face it, there’s a risk in identifying old behaviors that need to die. It’s a form of calling yourself out.

Once we do that, we are often terrified at the void that shows up.

Death provides us with a laser-sharp clarity.

And that can be as simple as “yeah, this sh*t needs to die.”

A simple voice that motivates us to act.

Kind of like cutting a tumor out of your chest. A type of psychological surgery.

When I know a behavior needs to die, I get clarity that every time I participate in it, it keeps me stuck.

What are you clear on that needs to die in your relationship?

Ironically, behaviors like walking on eggshells or avoiding conflict actually provide you benefit.

They diminish conflict. Keep you safe. Ensure things don’t go crazy in the moment.

But those are short-term gains, in the moment, kind of like junk food that ultimately feels shitty afterward.

“Uggh, I did it again.”

But the true cost of continuing any behavior that needs to die is that you are dying inside, trying to be a version of yourself that is not who you really are.

So again, stuff needs to die. And clearly what needs to be born is, in this case, the ability to handle conflict maturely.

That’s laser-like clarity. And it puts you in the driver’s seat of your relationship.

And then, of course, there’s that pesky inner risk manager. The part that wants you to take smart risks that get you payoffs. But more on that another time.

Go deeper into what needs to die in your relationship.

Do you struggle to let go of old behaviors in your relationship?

If so, you’ll want to check out my September 23-26 Confident Man’s Path To Relationship Retreat.

Put old shadow behaviors out to the graveyard. And open the door to productive behaviors to be an empowered and confident man with your partner.

Can’t make the retreat?

Consider joining me for the next Confident Man’s Path To Relationship online 6-week training starting September 19 on Tuesdays from 7:30-9pm ET.

Or if you’re not a group guy, shoot me a quick email to talk about 1:1 coaching to help you be in your A game with your partner.

I’d be honored to hear from you.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu