I’ve heard guys say that trying to improve your marriage can feel like an uphill climb.

You often take two steps forward and one step back. The effort burns. Each step feels like a slog. You wonder, what’s it gonna take?

Does being happy in your relationship feel like an uphill climb? 

Well, that’s how it works when you repeat the same ineffective steps over and over again.

And the biggest burn I see guys experience is in their struggle to assert themselves with their partner.

Time and again, they put themselves in a one down position. They fear being aggressive or fear being the jerk.

Do you fear being a jerk when it comes to asserting yourself with your partner?

If that’s you, I can relate. I was there for years in a 20 year marriage. It can put a guy in a crappy mood and eventually cause him to throw in the towel.

Have you thrown in the towel on trying to assert your wants and needs?

Well, what if instead you could assert yourself and be free of your fear of being the aggressive jerk?

What if you could assert yourself with strength, confidence, and kindness?

Would you be in a better position to be happy in your relationship?

What gets in your way of being confident to assert yourself?

In the video below, I talk about the key reason us guys struggle with assertion, the costs to us, and how we can step up our game.

And below, I speak more to why most guys throw in the towel and instead, how to stay the course.

When you’re learning assertion without aggression, there is an initial learning curve.

Of course, there is. That’s true of any new thing we learn. My coach Tripp Lanier calls it “the suck zone.”

One of the greatest ways to get past the suck zone is to keep your eye on the prize. To stay focused on what you’re going after.

Have you ever gone after a big client or promotion at work?

Sure you have. And you did it because you were motivated by the payoff.

In relationship, it’s no different. Keep your eye on the prize. Stay focused on what you’re going after.

The problem is you may not know what the prize is in your relationship.

So what is it the prize in your relationship?

Do you know? If not, pause for a second. That’s right. Stop reading.

Ask yourself, what am I doing all this for?

Is it because it’s what you think you’re supposed to do? For your kids? To not fail in your marriage?

Maybe you feel so deprived emotionally, relationally, sexually with your partner, that you’ve lost sight of any so-called “prize.”

If that’s the case, let me help you for a moment.

Simply put, the prize is love. Yes, love.

And love in relationship means trust, safety, emotional security, sex, affection and most of all, the freedom to be you.

The freedom to be your most confident, bold, and courageous self with your partner.

The freedom to openly speak your wants and needs.

The freedom to not fear asserting yourself.

The freedom to not fear being the asshole or jerk.

Do you want to be bold, confident, and courageous with your partner?

Sure you do, but maybe you’re also saying, Yeah right, Stuart, stop trying to selling me a pipe dream. I’ve tried everything with her.

I know trying to improve your relationship can feel frustrating as hell.

The problem is you’ve mistaken a technique or strategy for an unwavering commitment to yourself. A fearless dedication to becoming the man you want to be.

It bums me out to say this. But most guys will not get up this hill. They’re attached to their own failure.

The script goes like this. Don’t admit you have an assertion problem. Don’t admit you have any problems. Ignore it all and hope it will go away. Ever tried that?

What if you tossed that script and stepped both feet in to learn healthy assertion?

I’ll tell you what will happen. Your life will change forever.

The guys who I work with, master assertion without aggression as a basic skill.  And in doing so, they find a new and bold power in themselves.

It’s as if they’ve suddenly removed a giant boulder off their back that they didn’t even know they were carrying uphill.

And soon enough, that brutal climb becomes a Sunday stroll in the park that they can enjoy with their partner.

“I always thought my problem asserting myself was about my wife. Once I owned that it was about me, I became self-responsible to do something about it. What a game-changer to no longer feel trapped but free in my relationship.”
– My client Rick, 47 year old CIO

Do you want to freely assert yourself without fear of aggression with your partner?

Not ready to talk? No worries. Join a group of men asserting themselves freely in my next Men’s Relationship Tools zoom call on Tuesdays at 9am MST.

Can’t make it Tuesday? Not a problem. Learn assertion without aggression in my private mens-only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.