“It’s been months since we´ve been intimate,” Bob says to me.

“I try to go near her and she pulls away. What the hell? This is insane.”

“This is my wife, the woman I committed to being monogamous with, and yet she won´t even let me touch her.”

Do you struggle when it comes to intimacy with your wife?

A lot of married guys do. In response, they do what any guy would do.

Try to make the best of a shitty situation. Withdraw to avoid even further rejection.

It can feel like a wise strategy in the short term to stay safe, but long term it doesn´t get you what you want – love, sex, & connection with your partner – and only keeps you feeling more and more trapped as the days pass.

Some guys like Bob want to break out of the trap. They think, I’m supposed to be faithful to her. But she’s not even open to physical intimacy. How’s that gonna work?

To his credit, Bob was asking questions. Many guys don´t. Instead, they resign themselves to what is, not even knowing they’re acclimating to a smaller version of themselves. They just feel lost and alone.

Do you feel lost and alone in your relationship?

Another kind of guy develops a covert disdain for his partner. She’s just a downer to him. In his head, he’s bitching and complaining a lot. But he can’t let that out in words.

So to cope, he stuffs down his resentments and commits to other things like work, his kids, any short-term pleasures he can seek out.

Maybe he´ll get lucky in love now and then. But that´s out of his hands. He too feels lost and alone.

What if instead, you could become more desirable to your partner?

Desirable and sexy like a romantic lead on the big screen. Consider the debonair Brad Pitt character or the suave George Clooney. Yeah, I know it’s the movies, but hear me out.

They have this one thing that’s super sexy to their partner. A steadiness. A calmness. An ability to not be shaken by erratic behaviors.

Of course, in the movies, it’s just there, just how they’re made as men.

But for us real guys in regular life, it’s elusive. Being attractive & desirable. Calm & steady in the face of relationship challenges. And we often flounder.

That’s because we forget this one big thing that we need. It’s in the room with us when we get disconnected from our partner. It´s there when we’re dominated by our fear of being rejected sexually.

What is the one big thing you need to become more sexy to your wife?

To admit it upfront can feel anything but sexy. In fact, it can often have us feeling like wimps, which is why we often won’t speak it or even acknowledge that it’s an issue.

But the irony is once we take responsibility for this one thing, get it out in the open, and just take action on it, we lose all fears of being a wimp.

And that´s when we are liberated to go after what we want, like a fearless bad-ass.

So what the hell is this one thing already?

Ok, it may underwhelm you. You may be like, duh, no kidding, man. But while it’s one thing to know it, it´s quite another thing to act on it. So consider this.

When you’re rejected physically, not engaged sexually, when you’re criticized or your partner cuts off connection with you or even withholds sex, is it not true that you can feel vulnerable, unsafe, and even unworthy of being loved?

If so, then do this. Take responsibility for that one big thing. And that one thing is… drumroll please, yep, it´s not super sexy but it´s the key to being sexy… SAFETY.

Take charge of your safety, physically, emotionally, psychologically. Don´t just hand that over to her.

When you can make yourself ok, safe, enough, you suddenly become super sexy to your partner.

And when you don´t do that, you seek out false safety. You avoid conflict. You stuff down your needs. You acclimate to a sexless marriage. All of this we mistake for real safety.

Do you feel safe when your partner rejects you?

A false safety lets you off the hook to go after what you really want in your relationship. A false safety diminishes a man´s fear of things blowing up on him. A false safety keeps him living small.

Real safety is to know that you’re going to be OK regardless of what happens in your relationship.

Real safety is you being a bold & confident version of you.

Real safety is you asking for what you want from your partner unapologetically.

And that’s sexy as hell to your partner.

So how can you be a more sexy & confident version of yourself without stepping on a landmine?

That’s what Bob wanted. Check out how he did it in the video below.

The best way to become sexy to your wife is to be fiercely you. Unapologetically, kindly, and yes, wisely.

Being YOU means you don’t pivot on her. You pivot on you. You get clear on who you are. And that starts with knowing your wants and needs. And then getting smart about how you go after them.

You don’t whine. You don’t complain. And you don’t let fear get the best of you.

You make friends with fear. You let it instruct you and guide you.

Be it the fear of losing your wife. The fear of your marriage blowing up. Fear of being a failure. The fear of not being enough for her.

All those have great teachings for you. They´re about you, not her. And that’s how you get into the driver´s seat of your marriage. You take responsibility for your part.

And at the end of the day, fear has one message for you – take responsibility for your own safety.

And when you acknowledge that, as Bob did, you become attractive to your wife again.

Do you want to relax in your marriage and enjoy more intimacy with your wife?

Do as Bob did. A first simple step. Shoot me a quick email for a conversation guaranteed to get you a major “AHA” so you can relax in your marriage and enjoy your wife.

And if you’re not ready to chat one on one, check out The Men´s Relationship School.

I know I´ve been beating this one like a dead horse but I´m super excited about what we´re up to.

The Men’s Relationship School IS FOR the guy who wants to…
…be a bold & confident man in relationship.
…step into action to create a clear way forward in his relationship.

It is NOT for the guy who wants to…
…spend his days trying to make his partner happy at the expense of his own well-being.
…stay stuck & falsely safe in information, free internet content, and YouTube videos.

In The Men’s Relationship School you’ll…

• Discover simple & clear strategies to be a BOLD & CONFIDENT MAN with your partner.
• Get personalized advice on where you’re tripping up with your partner, so instead, you can WALK FORWARD WITH CLARITY & VISION.
• Get inspired to PURSUE WHAT YOU WANT in your relationship in new ways you’ve never thought of before.

And if you are still just in the information stage, check out my free men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.