Rob, an Executive VP and client, wants more kindness from his wife.

Not even sex or connection just kindness.

It seems like a low bar and the least he can expect from his wife of 15 years.

Instead, he gets degradation, denigration, and verbal abuse.

Do you experience verbal abuse from your wife?

Rob struggled to identify it as verbal abuse upfront.

“She just flips out on me. Often I don’t why. She says I’m selfish. All I think about is myself. I’ve tried not to personalize it. But she’s worn me down. That’s why I finally reached out to you,” he said.

He was admitting that after much patience and time, it was clear that she was being abusive.

How do you know if your wife’s behavior is abusive?

One way to know, which I speak to in the video below, is having a baseline of comparison in a more neutral setting, for instance, at work.

If someone told you at work that you were flawed as a man or incompetent, you probably would pause and say, “hey, that’s not ok.”

In the intimate container of marriage or relationship, where so many emotions are online, it can be more challenging to identify what’s abuse or not.

We tolerate so much to keep a marriage alive.

Do you experience your wife’s criticisms as a flaw of your character?

If so, chances are you’re in a “compassion conundrum.”

You’re trying to be compassionate and sensitive to your wife, but you also feel the attack in how she speaks to you – her angry tone, her snide facial expressions, her choice of words.

I say to Rob, “You want to stay compassionate to her. And you want to stand up for yourself.”

Rob nods.

“But…. you don’t know how to do that without making things worse.”

“Exactly,” he says.

How can you be compassionate to your wife and protect yourself from her abuse at the same time?

In the video below, learn what I taught Rob – the source of her abusive behavior and how to stay strong and relational in the face of it.

Do you want to get out of the cycle of verbal abuse with your wife?

If so, you’ll have to take some risks. One such risk is to rock the boat with her.

Rocking the boat could mean making it clear to her that you’re open to the “what” of her words but the “how” must change.”

It could mean setting a clear boundary when her tone reaches a certain pitch.

It could mean noticing when you’re maxed and need to take a pause from an interaction.

Ultimately, it means you taking care of yourself, so you to stay in the marriage to create the change you seek.

Rob took this risk and transformed his wife’s hostility into kindness over the course of three months working with me.

But before taking that risk, he took a first step. He clicked the link below. You can too.

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk to see what risks you need to take to transform your marriage.