A client speaks. I listen.

“And then there’s this hunger for more… an itch, a longing for better connection at work, more free time to travel, more presence with myself, more time with my family, a new car, a flush retirement fund and… as if nothing is ever enough.”

He pauses, uncertain. “It drives me mad. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Robert looks at me, eyes pleading me to answer his question. I say nothing. A silence imposes itself in the space between us.

The power of his question amplifies with each second, as he hangs in dissonance.

After a minute, he sighs. A deep breath spins within the cavity of his chest. I nod.

Two more minutes pass. Whether he knows it or not, his soul is working him over.

“Feel the itch,” I say to him.

With a gargantuan breath, his chest expands.

“Feel the hunger… You can have the big car, the successful career, the flush bank account, and it means nothing… if you are not engaging the hunger, the longing…” 

What’s wrong with me?
Why am I not content?
Why am I so hard on myself?
Why am I not enough?
Many of us have this tape running, often.
How do we stop it?

“Right here, right now, I want you to do something that you never do… exactly what you’re doing now. Breathe in the hunger, digest it, let it disrupt your organs, your entire being. Allow the chaos you fear.”

His eyes close like a warrior going into inner battle.  Confronting inner demons… of not enough, can’t get enough, can’t be enough… they all come to the table. He looks somber, serious, wrecked even.

“Your hunger and longing are blessings. You only feel them as curses because you’re convinced that you must DO something about them. You must act. You must acquire. You must be more.

“I don’t know exactly where you got this idea, but it’s false. There’s nothing to do… at least not now in this moment… not until you meet the voice of Hunger… the doing is avoiding the Hunger… later you’ll act… but first be with it.

“Your soul hungers because you are human. Because blood moves through your veins and arteries.

“You are blessed to have hunger, to be agitated by it, to be kept off balance. You’re alive, you’re not numb. You’re not sitting on a couch every night, numbing out. You’re feeling.

“Detach from the irritation and your suffering and allow the hunger to truly have you, like a woman ravishing you.

“Your doing is just an attempt to avoid it, fearing what will happen if your inner house is cleaned out. To be cleaned out by hunger and longing is to elevate your inner frequency, to play at a higher game, to clear out the cobwebs of self judgement and who you think you need to be, instead of what you truly are.

He nods. He can do this because we have set a space for him.

“You can believe the not enough script or you can smile and say, thank you for testing me, teaching me that I am enough, more than enough… I am powerful!  The Hunger wants your aliveness.

“And from there you may act AND do nothing… from there you may know when to speak AND when to be silent… from there you may come alive to your authentic marching orders.”

He nods, transformed.

So, you may wonder, hell, I wonder… what’s this have to do with growing stronger when relationship challenges arise? (that’s my tagline after all.)

Mastery of self-relationship is the #1 way to experience empowered and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

You cannot truly know or love another until you truly know or love yourself.