This was me once. It might be you.

Your wife treats you like a second-class citizen. She belittles you. She acts as if you have little to offer her or your family.

Does your wife ever belittle you?

In response, you try to show up as your best. You’re a good guy who wants to contribute. And yet your efforts are poorly received.

Ultimately, you want a better marriage but you’re at a loss as to how to create it.

Do you struggle to create a better marriage?

You might even say, I want to fix my marriage.

No doubt, you fix a lot of things. Work problems. Personal project challenges. Simple enough. It shouldn’t be so hard to do.

And yet with your marriage, it seems like an overwhelming task.

Does fixing your marriage seem daunting?

You may even think, I don’t know if it’s her or me. It’s like we just can’t see eye to eye anymore. We’ve become two different people.

In time, this can cause you to feel hopeless, like there’s nothing you can actually do to make things better with her.

Do you struggle to improve things with your wife?

That’s a tough spot to be in. And it’s easy to fall into the trap of losing hope.

And yet there’s a part of you that needs hope. You’ve got to have something to believe in. Heck, that’s just human nature. Without hope or belief, the future of your marriage looks bleak.

How do you see the future of your marriage?

In anything, your view of the future is based on the past. It’s based on what’s happened prior. And in your marriage, that could be fights, conflicts, disconnects.

After trying different strategies – to get on the same page with her, to improve communication, to do couples therapy – without results, it’s easy to lose hope.

And then, it’s easy to fall into that trap of doing nothing.
You can feel like you either need to accept the status quo or get out and divorce.

Has the trap of despair polluted your belief in your marriage?

Accepting the status quo is understandable. It’s where unconsciously you go the safe route. But it’s also where you get stuck. Stuck doing nothing to fix your marriage.

But no shame, brother. It’s a natural human survival instinct to prioritize safety. And yet I have to challenge you on this one.

What are you giving up when you prioritize safety over creating the marriage you want?

A lot of guys immediately go to sex as the thing that they give up. It’s true. Sex wanes in a flatlined marriage.

But while sex is super important for us guys, sex is part of a bigger thing.

Any idea what that bigger thing is?

Simply put, it’s Aliveness. Vibrancy. Excitement. Eros.

So, what if getting less safe was your road map to bringing your marriage back to life? Would you do it?

In the video below, discover 2 ways we give up vibrancy and aliveness for safety and 1 way to get out of that trap, to ultimately create the fulfilling, and thriving marriage you want.

Here’s something else that happens when you prioritize safety over aliveness.

You fall into fantasies. It could be porn. It could be other women. But more often, it’s the way you think. If only she were… If only I could…

Fantasies are a natural human response to deal with pain. They can soothe the sense of hopelessness in the moment but in the long term, they keep us stuck.

Do you know the difference between fantasy and reality when it comes to your marriage?

You may have heard me say it before. It’s something I learned from one of my mentors John DeMartini.

The difference between fantasy and reality is hard work.

And yet, who wants to do hard work on their marriage, not knowing if it’ll pay off?

Of course you don’t. I get it.

After trying different things, like reading books, listening to podcasts, or counseling, you may be that guy who feels like nothing helps.

If the payoffs fall short, why do the work?

You shouldn’t. But chances are you made one critical error, which I see a lot of guys make.

You looked to this source of help, this third entity, this thing outside of yourself, to give you the answers. It’s what I call the false hope of getting the operating manual on your wife.

If only I could get her, or if only I could figure it out. If only… back to fantasy.

In truth, that’s just another form of safety.

That’s a way of avoiding the dangerous truth that change in your marriage is not about some outside source, it’s not about her, but about you.

And this is the one big thing that the guys I coach understand.

It’s this: Nobody will save or rescue you from the problems in your marriage.

Are you willing to take responsibility for the state of your marriage?

When you are willing, you’ll be in a position to create the marriage you want.

And this requires getting out of the safe zone. Growth or change does not happen in the safe zone.

What is your part in maintaining the status quo in your marriage? Where are you not stepping in?

It’s only in action that will fix your marriage. Wanting to do something about it and doing nothing won’t help.

And action can feel dangerous. But 98% of the time, we confuse the discomfort of action with danger.

And so, the headline I’ll leave you with is this:

“GET LESS SAFE!”

That’s the key to fixing your marriage.

And do it with the wisdom and experience of 15 years of coaching married men behind you.

Are you ready to step into action to fix your marriage?

If so, let’s explore what’s possible for you. Connect with a bunch of powerful guys talking about this stuff fearlessly in my next Men’s Relationship Tools call this Tuesday at 12pm ET.

And for daily relationship tips and action items, join my private men’s only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.