Steve gets feedback from his wife – well, more like criticism.

“‘You don’t contribute to the family. You’re not present for me. You’re on your phone too much,’ she says to me.” Steve sighs.

Is your wife tough on you?

A lot of guys hear these words, or similar, from their wife. Good guys, just like you and me.

Men who want to do better in their marriage. Men who listen to their wife’s feedback. Men who want to be a better partner for her.

But the problem is these guys also do something else. Something my client Steve did.

Do you do it as well?

“Steve,” I said. “What’s the story you tell yourself when your wife is critical of you?”

“That she’s not happy. That I’m not enough for her. How I need to show up more,” he said.

“And do you believe this story?” I asked.

“Believe? What do you mean? I’m just telling you what she tells me.”

“Actually, you were telling me the story you tell yourself when your wife’s critical of you. Correct?”

“Yeah, so?”

Without knowing it, Steve had internalized his wife’s story as who he was.

Have you lost your sense of identity in your relationship?

If so, then chances are, like Steve, you’ve also abandoned your wants and needs. And even shut down any hopes of getting your needs ever met at all.

Typically, when men get to this point, they go into a daily doldrums cycle of just trying to get through the days of their marriage.

Are you just trying to get through your marriage?

Most guys do this to try to keep their family together.

The problem is it’s a losing strategy. And it can cost you years of your life, walking on eggshells around your wife.

In the process, your wife is never happy. Neither are you. And your kids wonder, do mom and dad even like (no less love) each other?

You deserve better, as do your kids and your wife.

Are you walking on eggshells around your wife?

This strategy will never get you what you want in your relationship. It will only keep you feeling like you’re not enough for her.

But truth be told, and I know it’s hard to believe. Within every guy is a bold, confident, and composed man who knows who he is and who he wants to be in his relationship.

A man who does not mistake his wife’s feedback for his identity.

This man lives in you. But you have yet to unleash him.

Do you want to reclaim your confidence and courage with your partner?

If so, let me coach you for a moment, in the video below, with two simple key strategies that Steve used, and you can too, to become your bold, best self in relationship.

I helped Steve do a few things to transform his marriage, including to:

• Stop internalizing his wife’s complaints for who he was.
• Start getting clear on who he wanted to be in his relationship.
• Be his best self for the sake of his wife and kids.

After years of books and podcasts, Steve changed how he showed up in his marriage, working with me.

Not because I was superman. But because he was ready to take action and be held accountable for the marriage he created.

For him, that action started with a simple email to me, asking to have his feet held to the fire.

We chatted, got to know each other, and decided we were a fit.

Steve wasn’t one of those guys wanting to be saved, rescued, or told what to do.

If that’s you, no shame. It just means you’re not ready to step into action quite yet.

But if you’re clear that you want to transform the relationship you co-create with your partner, join my next confidential Men’s Relationship Tools zoom call on Tuesdays at 9am MST.

And to learn how not to lose your identity in your relationship, join my private mens-only Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship.

Print