A few days ago, a Vietnamese woman proposed to me. I was in a custom clothing shop in Hoi An, where it is common for foreigners to have custom suits made. My 19-year old son was getting fit for something. We have been travelling in Vietnam.

As I waited for him, Mai, who worked in the shop sat down next to me. In her sleek navy pant suit and better than average English, she began asking me questions. Where I’m from. My relationship to my friend. Asking about his mother, after learning he was my son.

I paused, wondering if it would be received poorly if I told her I was no longer married to his mother. On the contrary, it seemed to stir her interest even more.

In the course of ten minutes, Mai proposed to me. “Free suits for your son for life,” she said, smiling. I couldn’t help but respond as if it was a joke.

Thirty-eight and never married, she lived with her family, five minutes outside of town. They owned a building there. They lived on the upper two floors and ran a sleek coffee shop on the first floor, of which she showed me a picture.

I played along with her marriage proposal, as she continued on. A part of me wanted to see if she was serious. Not that I was attracted to her or wanted to marry a Vietnamese woman, but I was curious.

“Would you really leave everything you have here and go to America?” I asked her.

“Maybe, with the right man. America, better life,” she said.

“What about your family? Wouldn’t you miss them?”

“I come back to visit. Many women marry foreigner.”

Soon, it became clear to me that she was not using relationship as a way to fill an emotional void in her life. Maybe an economic or material one. But I could tell she did not need a man to be complete. She had her family. Still, she admitted that she would like love in her life.

“But it hard to find a good man. Too many men just want sex,” she said.

We laughed, as she continued jokingly to promise free suits for life for my son.

Was Mai unhappy, lacking love in her life? I can’t say.

But I can say that the emphasis on a primary relationship fulfilling all or many aspects of her life was not there.  The need to have “the one” as soulmate, lover, friend, teacher, companion was far from an expectation.

Different worlds. Different family systems. Different socio-economic realities.

But it did make me wonder – Does our freedom to live apart from our family engender an epidemic loneliness in America?

I think so. And yet it has many gifts.

To delve deeper into the hero’s journey of one’s self – who we are, what we seek, and how we choose to pursue it. We can sulk in the loneliness, with or without a partner, or change the story, so that it works for us, instead of against us.

Dig it? Spread the word.

Use the icons below to share on your Facebook page or Twitter feed.