The holidays can be a super-challenging time for many men.

The spending of money on often superfluous gifts.
Trying to be “joyful” with your partner when you’re not.
The sense of obligation to be on your best behavior.

It can all leave a guy dreading the holidays. Yet these are the mere symptoms.

The real source of a man’s dread is the sense that he has to behave his way through his partner’s holiday agenda.

He struggles to assert himself to co-lead the holiday program. And in the absence of that, everything feels like an obligation instead of a shared desire.

Do you want to enjoy the holidays this year?

If so, do this. Claim what you want for yourself and your family this holiday season.

Don’t just be a passenger on your partner’s holiday program. Take initiative, co-pilot, and be a co-creator in holiday activities.

Yes, you can do this, even if you’ve followed your partner’s lead for 15 years. Even if she questions you. I know. That was my deal.

And being a co-creator means first getting clear on what you want for your holidays, then speaking it to your partner, and then making clear agreements with her about what the holidays will look like.

That could be as simple as you saying you want to go for a walk outside on Christmas or New Year’s Day.

Or cooking a dish that you want, in addition to the traditional holiday fare.

Or the desire to create time for you and your family to speak about what you’re grateful for.

What would your best holidays look like?

The default for most guys is to resign themselves to sitting on the sidelines and letting their partner take the lead. To not rock the boat.

But you know what that looks like – a lot of obligations. You can do better.

When I feared my wife rejecting my wants, I still went after them.

“Ok,” I said. “You guys don’t want to go for a walk on Christmas day. Well, I’m going to take an hour to walk by myself.”

And super important was to include the benefits to her of me getting what I wanted.

“And this will actually allow me to be more present with you and Jake (our son) and enjoy our time together,” I added.

No fights. Win-win.

If this sounds nuts to you, chances are it’s just what you need. Resistance has a way of showing us exactly what we need.

What’s possible for you this holiday season?

Let go of your resentments and embrace joy together this holiday season.

Don’t just be on your best behavior for the kids but actually love one another.

Use the holidays as a time to reignite your relationship.

And if you need a little help, take the first step, and shoot me a quick email.