At least several times per month I hear a version of this from guys who contact me.

“She’s always bossing me around. It’s constant,” Bill, a father of two, says.

“She tells me,
‘You never listen to me. You didn’t do this.
You didn’t do that. And what about that other thing I asked you to do?'”

Do YOU EVER feel like you’re married to a drill sergeant?

Bill did.

“I know she means well,” he says, “but jeez, if only she’d put that kind of intensity into the bedroom.”

He laughs. Yet, underneath the laughter is fear, resignation, and shame. He feel’s SUPER TRAPPED.

My heart goes out to him and the countless guys like him.

And to be clear, it’s NOT pity, but more like, Dude, that’s brutal. I’m sorry. I know how it is. I’ve been there myself.

The truth is 90% of married guys like Bill resign themselves to what I call MARITAL APPEASEMENT.

That unspoken deal where he does what she asks of him — just to get her off his back.  In return, he gets some temporary peace.

And if he’s good and consistent, he might rack up enough points to get a payoff in the bedroom.

But for most guys, it’s a losing deal. Sex happens rarely. And the PLEASING & PROVING become a full time thankless job.

In time, he enters survival mode and checks out altogether.

He works a ton, gets lost on the web, zones out on tech toys, over-manages his portfolio, watches a lot of porn, drinks a bunch, smokes a lot of pot.

But what’s he really seeking?

IN ONE WORD, IT’S ESCAPE!

Get me outta here!!! His actions are saying.

He’s bought into the idea that his misery is the price he must pay to keep his marriage together. 

He even prides himself on “being realistic” in what he expects from her. It’s better than torturing himself with what could be, he thinks.

And yet inside, he carries this burden — of having made a deal with the devil.

To be clear, she’s not the devil. The devil is that part of himself that says, “You’re a bad man for wanting more from your marriage.”  

Do you EVER feel bad for wanting more from your partner?

If so, I get it. It makes total sense.

But I’m here to tell you that, that “wanting more” is your roadmap to getting what you want from your marriage. It is NOT the place to avoid, judge yourself, or make a deal.

And when you step in to trust what you want, instead of stifle it, you realize that you can get what you want from your wife WITHOUT blowing up your life or invoking her permanent ire.

Imagine she loves you for WHO YOU ARE and NOT what you do.

“Are you f*#kin’ kidding me?” Bill says. “What planet are you living on? That’s not marriage. That’s an affair.”

“No, Bill,” I say. “That’s the kind of marriage I help men create.”

“How do you do that?” he asks.

“It’s not that hard, actually,” I say.

“The question is, are you willing to go after what you want?” 

For most guys, the answer is NO.  They prefer to stay in the APPEASEMENT ZONE.

BUT as it turned out, Bill was NOT most guys. He knew he was already in the worst part of his marriage possible.

He was one of those rare guys willing to go after what he wanted, NO LONGER willing to accept the deal of misery for temporary peace.

What’s the deal you’ve made in your marriage?

Learn more about how Bill changed his marriage. Check out this samurai trick he mastered.

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