It started for Alex with an acknowledgment—an awareness that his pain wasn’t the enemy, but an opportunity.

A doorway to creating a more fulfilling marriage and greater life.

As a clean energy executive transforming the nation’s grid, Alex sought challenges as opportunities in his work.

But he didn’t do the same at home.

He’d lost trust with his wife. She was cold and distant.

Seeing his commitment at work, she questioned his commitment to their marriage.

Alex saw this and knew he had to rebuild trust with her if he were to be complete as a man.

Work alone did not complete him.

Do you experience frayed trust with your partner?

Behind his sharp business acumen and polished exterior, Alex was anything but sharp or polished at home.

His marriage, once strong and vibrant, had become significantly strained – conflict, disconnection, and a lack of emotional intimacy.

Alex sought me out to help him rebuild connection.

Do you want more connection with your partner?

“She says she doesn’t feel safe with me,” Alex says. “I’m there, and I’m not there, she says.”

He looks down for a few seconds, ashamed that he’s failed her.

“You can’t pin your insecurities in your marriage on her,” I say to him. “When she pulls away or avoids you, what happens to you? Notice. That’s your roadmap to fixing your marriage.”

Do you feel insecure with your wife?

Do you pin your insecurities on her and how she behaves?

What if change required you to look at yourself?

Consider this.

Her behaviors mirror the insecurities that live in you.

Insecurities that formed decades ago. Yes, it goes that far back.

As far back as your initial relationship to the primary woman in your life when you were a boy.

That’s right, your mother.

This is not therapy. But truth is truth.

In 15 years of coaching men in relationships, I have yet to meet a man for whom this is not true.

A man’s relationship with his mother impacts his relationship with all women.

Through coaching, Alex came to understand this.

His mother had been smothering him as a boy.

“Be careful. Wear your helmet on your bike. Don’t cross the road without looking both ways.”

And on and on, until he was 16.

His mother felt like a burden to him. And he avoided her like the plague. His avoidant tendencies started there.

Women didn’t feel safe to him. And so, of course, his wife did not feel safe with him.

Do you feel emotionally safe with your wife? Are you able to speak about how you feel about her and your marriage?

With my help, Alex embarked on a journey of self-discovery, exploring his own insecurities and evasive tendencies.

In two calls, it became clear to him…

How he checked out on his phone over dinner.

How he didn’t prioritize things that mattered to her.

And hHow her distance caused him to distance.

Avoidance was his way of trying to stay safe in a marriage that didn’t feel safe.

Many men do this. And then wonder why their partners aren’t open to them.

Do you wonder why your wife is emotionally distant?

Some men respond differently.

They get needy or pouty, make bids for connections that get rejected, and overpretty their wives.

Often eventually, they throw their hands up, and accept an emotional limbo for years on end.

Are you in emotional limbo with your wife?

For Alex, the key to rebuilding his marriage was building emotional safety within himself.

Looking at his insecurities and his avoidant tendencies.

Owning in himself what he projected onto his wife.

In short, he mastered his insecurities to repair his marriage.

In the video below, discover how you can master your insecurities to create the connected marriage you seek.

Building emotional safety with your partner isn’t about grand gestures or quick fixes.

It requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to look at yourself and the turbulence within.

When you’re a force of calm, you are a force of safety for your wife to open up to you.

Quickly, Alex learned to own his own insecurities, which empowered him to listen actively, validate his wife’s feelings, and communicate openly with her.

As Alex cultivated emotional safety within himself, he noticed a remarkable shift in his marriage.

Trust began to blossom, and barriers that once stood between him and his wife began to crumble.

He and his wife embarked on a journey of healing and growth together, rediscovering the love and connection that had initially drawn them to each other.

Do you seek to rediscover the love and connection with your wife that you had when you first met?

Shoot me a quick email, and let’s talk.