Dave, an eight-figure portfolio manager, manages and takes significant risks consistently in his professional life.

But when it comes to his marriage, he’s surprisingly risk-averse.

His wife has closed off to him. She’s sexually shut down on him.

Has your partner shut down on you sexually?

Sex was the initial concern for which Dave came to see me.

“I can’t live like this,” he says. “I have needs, and I won’t go out of the marriage. I’m not a massage parlor, titty bar, or escort kind of guy. Honestly, I feel trapped.”

“Let me ask you something,” I reply. “Do you connect with your wife intimately in other ways beyond sex?”

He pauses and looks away for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“Do you share time together? Do you share your hearts with each other?”

“No,” he says.

Do you share your heart with your partner?

Dave continues, “I’m not even sure what it would look like to share my heart with her or her with me.”

“Makes sense,” I say. “So… until now you’ve primarily seen sex as the way to experience intimacy. Correct?”

“I guess. Of course, I want her heart with me when we’re having sex.”

“Great. So, for now… are you open to learning how to cultivate emotional intimacy with your wife without sex? Again, for now. This is a step towards the sex piece.”

“Absolutely. With you saying it will help our sex life.”

Thinking, he strokes his pepper grey goatee. “And I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know if she’d even be open to that.”

Are you open to emotional intimacy that doesn’t result in sex with your wife?

“Does this feel risky to you, Dave?” I ask him.

“Somewhat,” he says, understating the obvious. “That’s why we’re talking. I mean, honestly, it all feels like a bit of a minefield.”

I pause for a moment, then ask an important question.

“What if you bring your risk-tolerant mindset from work to your marriage? Of course, knowing you’re still learning the ropes when it comes to your relationship.”

He thinks for a moment. “Sounds good to me.”

Are you more comfortable taking risks at work than in your marriage?

In the video below, discover the greatest threat to your ability to create a fulfilling emotional and sexual life with your partner, and how to get past it.

After a few months of working together, the roadmap becomes clear for Dave.

He has jumped in fully, done the work between our calls, and started to grab the steering wheel of his marriage.

“She is opening. And I feel less threatened by the whole situation. More sex would be great, but things are getting better. Patience, I know.”

“You’re feeling more empowered to ask for what you want?” I say. “More hopeful for the future of your marriage?”

“Yes, for sure,” he says. “I’m trusting we’ll get there and I now have the tools to do that.”

Dave took a risk in talking with me. He took a risk by stepping into some daunting terrain. It started with a simple first step.

Are you ready to get past what’s keeping you from having the intimacy you seek with your partner?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk.