Guy was ambivalent about his commitment to his marriage. He experienced a few things.

The unwillingness to act or make a clear choice.
The sense of being frozen for years on end.
The anxiety of staying with one foot out the door.

These are the symptoms of a man who betrays himself. A man who is not in integrity with himself with his partner.

I know. I was there for many years.
 
Do you stay in your relationship with one foot out the door?

When I lived like this years ago, I tolerated frustrating-as-hell patterns from my wife. Her unwillingness to work through conflict, her need to be right, and a lack of sex.

I struggled to take self-responsibility for my part in the marriage. Instead, I just did my best to get through it.

There was a strong part of me that said I’m done with this. And that terrified me.

I didn’t want to be the jerk who blew up my family. I wanted to be the good guy who made his marriage work.

But my heart wasn’t in it. Mentally and emotionally, I did not have both feet in.
 
Do you have both feet in your relationship?

A man who doesn’t have both feet in but stays anyway does a huge disservice to himself, his partner, and his family. He doesn’t give his best to them.

He might say he’s giving his best but his best is very limited. And day in and day out, he accepts this limited version of himself. Sadly, he has lost his power as a man.

He lives on a weak foundation of justifications. He says things like, Marriage is hard. Everyone’s tired and stressed. There’s not much better we can do. We’re all just trying to survive.

While all that may feel true, it only justifies a man’s ambivalence and weakness in relationship. And that keeps him in a weak position with his partner.

I want better for you.

Do you feel ambivalent in your relationship?

If so, look at how ambivalence keeps you stuck. Maybe you can relate to one of these statements.

I love her and she drives me nuts.
I want out but I fear being alone.
I want things to work out and I’ve given up.
I stay for the kids, not her.

These are the statements of a man in the “coping zone.” It’s a place where he forgets a golden truth that, if lived, would put him in his strongest and most courageous self.

And that golden truth is this – You have the power to create your relationship as you want it to be.

And while that can sound like a high falutin idea, on the ground level is a man who uses this truth to face his greatest fears and then act in the presence of those fears.

Have you forgotten your power to create what you want in your relationship?

Most men have. As a result, they behave their way through marriage. They try to make the best of things. And their heart is barely in it and often not at all.

To get by, a guy wears a mask – the “happy family guy” or the “good husband” or the “nice guy.”

And every so often, the mask slips and the truth of his ambivalence gets exposed. He gets caught in an affair, with porn, drinking a lot, smoking pot in the basement, or exploding in rage.

And yet, in a moment, a man could save himself years of misery. He could answer one simple question.
 
Am I in this relationship with two feet in or two feet out?

Once a man has the clarity to know he’s all in, he will bring the ferocious energy of a tiger, just like he would at work, to address the challenges in his relationship.

He will not stop until he finds a good way forward.  He will do anything but spend his days in the “coping zone.”

And if that man has two feet out, even he fears the breakup, he will move forward with the power to create the best outcome possible.

That could mean uncoupling with love, grace, and integrity. To honor his children and be kind to his soon to be ex.

Regardless of the path a man chooses, when he’s no longer living a lie, he experiences enormous freedom on the other side of things.

Would you like to feel free in your relationship?

A liberation from stress and ambivalence. An expansion of his integrity and manhood. A sense of clarity and sense of living in integrity with himself.

I know. I made it to the other side. And I’ve coached many men through it as well.

A recent client of mine was one such man. He embraced the golden truth of his power to create what he wanted with his partner. Hear his story in the video below.

Do you even know if you have one foot out the door in your relationship?

Or maybe you’ve just accepted that as the best you can do?

Ambivalence keeps a man weak. And typically he mistakes the source of that weakness to the relationship itself, when the truth is his weakness comes from feeling powerless to make change in his relationship.

Are you feeling powerless to change your relationship?

If so, first get clear if you’re all in or out. Everyday, you don’t know is another day in ambivalence. You deserve better.

Send me an email and get help to live your golden truth.