Front of mind and back of mind. These are the two places where we typically hold a committed partner when love is unrequited or relationship challenges arise.

In front, is when we are in fear…

• Of losing a partner.
• Of it being over.
• Of the threat of relationship ending or divorce.

Monkey mind and scared heart run the scripts – What will I do without her? How will I find someone else like him?

It’s as if our partner is “the one” who will make us okay. And he or she becomes front of mind, as we hold on to a god or goddess who we fear abandoning us.

In back of mind, is where we place a partner who isn’t fulfilling our needs or with whom we feel emotional distance.

• We fight a lot.
• We don’t feel loved.
• Or we’ve checked out from one another, merely functioning day to day

Here, a scared heart says, The hell with her, I don’t need her. He can’t meet me where I need him to. We put the other person in back of mind as a way of protecting ourselves, to avoid deepening into relational challenges.

In both scenarios…

• Are we walking in our truest power and vulnerability?
• Are we in relationship with both self and partner?

The simple answer is No.

When our partner is front of mind, dominating our inner system, we’re obliterating our self. We think we’re being vulnerable but it’s self-pity, a looping self-victimization cycle.

On the other side, back of mind is a way of obliterating our partner. Things get hard and we erase him or her. We’re not willing to handle the relationship challenges – the hooks, shadows, and triggers. So we toss someone we love into the gutter.

Front and back of mind are mental placements of a romantic partner in our internal system. And yet, we can literally externalize these placements with our physical hand, moving energy to make shifts. I’ll speak more to this in a moment.

The third way, or third place, we can hold a partner, is at our side. Neither front, nor back. Yes, it’s less sexy and dramatic. But it’s more sovereign and powerful, and even harder to do, which is why we often don’t do it.

At our side. It simply means that we’re not seeking to idolize or subjugate our partner. But instead, we walk side by side as sovereign adults, held in maturity.

Instead of what will he give me? how can she fulfill me? – it’s, where can we meet each other? walk together?

In choosing where we energetically hold a romantic partner, we can literally take a breath, feel him or her, and with our hand, move where we hold that person.

Front to side or back to side.

This enables us to reclaim the love within our self and not just project it out in front on our partner, or reject it in back.

Just like any practice, partner placement is a muscle that must be trained and developed during relational challenges, whenever one’s romantic partner comes to mind.

In this practice, we are externalizing an inner dynamic that gets unconsciously muddled within. We get more clarity and free up internalized energy, otherwise weighing us down.

Self-relationship is everything. It enhances our partner relationship and much more.

Self-relationship warrior, you got this.

Help me build a tribe of 10,000 passionate self-relationship warriors.

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