She says, I’m not enough for her.

She says, I don’t listen.

And she says, I’m not present.

Any guy knows that his wife is a master at picking apart who he is and what he doesn’t do.

So much so, unlike anyone else in his life, that it’s her superpower or maybe better said, her shadow power.

And while many of us guys are willing to look at ourselves and see if there’s truth in what she says, there’s typically another part of us that just wants her to get off our back.

And that part specializes in the big B word. You got it. Blame.

Do you blame your wife for her problems with you?

You might be doing it but not be aware of it. You might not actually be blaming her with words.

But if you feel any sense of injustice in how she acts, chances are it comes across to her in ways you’re unaware of.

In the tone of your voice.

Or in the occasional snide comment.

Even in how you throw up your hands and say, “Whatever.”

Or in an unspoken desire to run and get out of the room from her criticisms.

If this is you, I empathize. I feel it too.

“Can’t she ever just be happy?” I’ve often wondered.

And yet in those words is blame. And in the blame, you’re merely confirming that you’re not enough for her.

So while one part of you is trying to be a good guy, a better man for her, another part of you also wants to blame and run from her.

These are top-level dynamics, important to recognize.

But underneath there is a lot of other stuff going on inside of a man, or any person for that matter.

These are the levers that control an individual’s desire to blame, run, throw up his hands, fix, please, or whatever you do with her.

Get to those levers and instead of feeling victimized by her, you’ll get to a position of empowerment to create the marriage you want.

Are you aware of the deeper levers dictating how you experience your marriage?

In the video below I talk about 3 key levers, also known as compensating behaviors, that men typically engage in.

Check it out to understand how those levers put you in a position to blame your wife and how understanding them will put you in a position to create the marriage you want.

Compensating behaviors are unconscious. You don’t even know you’re doing them. Or how they’re poisoning your relationship.

While it’s easy to put the blame on your wife, you’re in a much more powerful position to create the marriage you want when you own your own behaviors.

I often like to say, “When one person evolves, the other person is more compelled to evolve as well.”

Own your behaviors, empower yourself, and create the marriage you want. She’ll love you 10x for it.

Are you ready to empower yourself and create the marriage you want?

Take the first step and let’s have a quick chat.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your marriage. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch. To get started, shoot me a quick email.

And for the many women wanting to learn more about men, here is a special link for you women.

Lastly for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship School for free.

It’s a great way to get to know me if you’re interested in coaching but not quite ready yet to shoot me an email.