Ten years ago, I was 44 years old, married 17 years, with a 15-year-old son. I’d been through many death and life cycles in my marriage. I was about to go through another one. My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion. I brought my […]
So, there’s this trap we guys often fall into. I call it the “fixer trap.” And when we’re in the fixer trap, we want to be “the guy.” You’re the guy who saves the day. The guy who makes things ok for her. The guy who is strong and capable for his partner. And the guy she needs us to […]
Make it right. Let her know you care. Show her you love her. Do you do these things in your marriage? Most guys do. It comes with great intention. But often, it’s done too late. And merely a response to having upset your wife in the first place. Maybe you didn’t listen to her properly. Maybe you forgot to make […]
“Crushing,” my client Tommy, a CTO at a software company, said. “It’s crushing when my wife’s upset at me. I love her and want to be a good man for her.” And then the dagger came. “I can’t be OK when she’s not OK.” Do you struggle being OK when your partner’s not OK? The dagger was in his words, […]
Below is a letter a married man struggling with “not enoughness” sent to his wife recently, inspired by a video of mine. Dear Cindy*, There is something that has been weighing on my heart that I want to share with you. I often find myself grappling with the feeling that I’m not enough for you. Yes, it relates to our […]
Sex. It should be simple. It should be clean. She should just want you. And yet when she doesn’t, you can feel a ton of rejection, a sense of desperation, and like you’re screwed – no pun intended. Do you experience sexual rejection from your wife or partner? Or maybe you just don’t get enough sex? A mentor of mine, […]
“When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it can feel like hell.” Tom, a successful CEO, was not talking about his company but about, you guessed it, his marriage of 18 years. Does your marriage sometimes feel like hell? Maybe you can relate to Tom’s experience. “It’s just like we cross wires. I say one thing. She totally misinterprets […]
Most of us have our own version of this story. Do you? You met your wife x number of years ago. At first, it was great. Sweet connection. Wonderful sex. The urge to merge. You got engaged and then married. And then you had a family and things changed over time. You were no longer each other’s priority. Kids came. […]
Ok, I know, another email about the 1 thing on this or the #1 thing on that. We’re inundated by it all the time. And so forgive me for the clickbait title. But this one really is a game-changer. Something big that I’ve consistently seen in 15 years of coaching men in relationship that blows apart marriage after marriage when […]
She talks. I listen. She talks some more. I listen some more. On a good day, her words are about someone or something else and I can help her figure things out. On a bad day, her words are about me and what I don’t do right and what I do wrong. I want to do better but after a […]
