Below is a letter a married man struggling with “not enoughness” sent to his wife recently, inspired by a video of mine. Dear Cindy*, There is something that has been weighing on my heart that I want to share with you. I often find myself grappling with the feeling that I’m not enough for you. Yes, it relates to our […]
“My wife says I don’t listen to her,” Mike says. “And then I think,” he continues. “Listen to her? I can barely even follow her words.” He’s exasperated just talking about it. As the CEO of a high tech company, he’s a master of clear communication, but at home, he falters. “In the same breath, she says she had a […]
Emotions. They can hound a man. Take him over. Anger and fear especially. Ever thought to yourself after an emotional outburst… Jeez, did I just say that to her? What just happened? Man, I’m gonna be in the doghouse for the next week. Chances are it took you a few minutes or longer to notice how your emotions got the […]
“I just want things to be fluid with her,” my client Will says. “I want her to be ok.” Sounds reasonable enough, right? How about you? Are things smooth sailing with your partner? Maybe like Will, you’re willing to do anything to get your partner to chill…. Until you’re fed up… Will says, “I took the kids to school every […]
“I’m in love with you” versus “I love you.” What’s the difference? And why would you care? Chances are you don’t care unless you heard or fear this; your partner says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” What’s she really saying when she says that? Is she saying that she’s done with the relationship? She wants […]
Most of us have our own version of this story. Do you? You met your wife x number of years ago. At first, it was great. Sweet connection. Wonderful sex. The urge to merge. You got engaged and then married. And then you had a family and things changed over time. You were no longer each other’s priority. Kids came. […]
She says, I’m not enough for her. She says, I don’t listen. And she says, I’m not present. Any guy knows that his wife is a master at picking apart who he is and what he doesn’t do. So much so, unlike anyone else in his life, that it’s her superpower or maybe better said, her shadow power. And while […]
Your wife is not happy. Her job is frustrating as heck. The kids aren’t listening to her. And you’re not enough for her. Just hearing all this makes my stomach cringe. To be married to a woman laden with problems is overwhelming for a guy. Often his natural response is to take on the burden of her unhappiness and compound […]
Dave was a big-shot commercial developer. Multimillion-dollar deals and big financial risks. Yet at home, he was risk-averse, often crippled by the slightest rejection from his wife. In 15 years of coaching married men, I’ve seen this dynamic of financial success and marital failure in a man many times. But with Dave, it was extreme. His wife didn’t seem to […]
“You don’t hear me.” “Why don’t you take me seriously?” “You don’t listen.” Does your wife say any of these things to you? It’s not uncommon for a guy to hear something similar from his wife. And there’s a good reason why. As men, we often struggle to keep up with our partner’s words. We feel like she’s verbose and […]
