Once upon a time, a man met a woman. He thought she was attractive. He dated her. She seemed kind, open, loving. He felt energized in her presence. He went out with her several times. Then, he noticed life seemed bigger and richer with her versus being on his own. Soon, he decided to be exclusively intimate with her. He […]
Dave, an eight-figure portfolio manager, manages and takes significant risks consistently in his professional life. But when it comes to his marriage, he’s surprisingly risk-averse. His wife has closed off to him. She’s sexually shut down on him. Has your partner shut down on you sexually? Sex was the initial concern for which Dave came to see me. “I can’t […]
First, if applicable, I invite you to depart from your politically correct, easily-offended mindset. Second, consider this non-PC phrase. One that men may use to describe a buddy’s romantic state in early relationship. Are you pussy whipped? With full respect to women, a woman’s ability to “pussy whip” a man is simultaneously her power to capture him. And while an […]
I remember many years ago, when I was first introduced to the teachings of Ken Wilber, transpersonal psychology writer. He said men on the evolutionary scale have two instincts. What are men’s two primary instincts historically? The first instinct for a man, he said, is to KILL IT. Kill, hunt, get the prey, conquer, win, feed the tribe. Today that […]
“She’s always got to have the last word.” “I can never win an argument with her.” “She’s got to be right.” Do these words describe your wife? In 15 years of coaching men, I’ve heard men say these things countless times. And let’s get real, brother, women say similar things about their men. But things I don’t hear women say […]
Ten years ago, I was 44 years old, married 17 years, with a 15-year-old son. I’d been through many death and life cycles in my marriage. I was about to go through another one. My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion. I brought my […]
Maybe you’ve had this experience. You met your wife. You fell in love. And then somewhere during the course of your marriage, she turned sour on you. You no longer experience openness from her. She’s not as chill or go with the flow as she used to be. She doesn’t appreciate you the way she once did. She even outright […]
“Happy wife, happy life.” “It’s your job to make her happy.” “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” No doubt you’ve heard one or all of these expressions. Maybe one of these voices lives in your head. How do you make your wife happy? Every month I talk to guys who approach their marriage as a “wife happy-making” endeavor. They […]
Nate has reached his breaking point. He’s fed up. He crushes it as a CEO of a tech company by day. But can’t control his wife. “Goddamnit she’s gonna give it to me. I’m sick of this crap.” Nate’s Scottish complexion goes red. “I hear your emotion, Nate,” I say. “But how would you feel if somebody were saying those […]
So, there’s this trap we guys often fall into. I call it the “fixer trap.” And when we’re in the fixer trap, we want to be “the guy.” You’re the guy who saves the day. The guy who makes things ok for her. The guy who is strong and capable for his partner. And the guy she needs us to […]
