Dave, an eight-figure portfolio manager, manages and takes significant risks consistently in his professional life. But when it comes to his marriage, he’s surprisingly risk-averse. His wife has closed off to him. She’s sexually shut down on him. Has your partner shut down on you sexually? Sex was the initial concern for which Dave came to see me. “I can’t […]
“Is my marriage fixable?” Dave, a senior-level IT executive, asks me. He wants guidance. He wants reassurance. He’s a man who thrives with a plan. How do you know if your marriage can be fixed? Of course, no one has a crystal ball looking into the future. Still, having coached men in relationship for the last 15 years, there are […]
So, there’s this trap we guys often fall into. I call it the “fixer trap.” And when we’re in the fixer trap, we want to be “the guy.” You’re the guy who saves the day. The guy who makes things ok for her. The guy who is strong and capable for his partner. And the guy she needs us to […]
Jake’s a big-shot engineer. An engineer who travels the country and lectures internationally. The rock star of engineers who trains other big-shot engineers. He’s brilliant. But like so many other successful men I speak with, his marriage is falling apart. Jake can’t reconcile himself to his own failure at home. He loves his kids, but he refuses to fully acknowledge […]
Below is a letter a married man struggling with “not enoughness” sent to his wife recently, inspired by a video of mine. Dear Cindy*, There is something that has been weighing on my heart that I want to share with you. I often find myself grappling with the feeling that I’m not enough for you. Yes, it relates to our […]
“I feel like I’m in the doghouse with my partner.” Ever hear a guy say that? That’s code for I’m not getting any sex. Have you been in the doghouse with your partner? Are you there now? Every month, I hear from a handful of guys who say they’re not sexually fulfilled in their relationship. They act like they’ve been […]
Most of us have our own version of this story. Do you? You met your wife x number of years ago. At first, it was great. Sweet connection. Wonderful sex. The urge to merge. You got engaged and then married. And then you had a family and things changed over time. You were no longer each other’s priority. Kids came. […]
Serve, protect, provide. This is the mantra, conscious or not, that drives the behaviors of many married men. Ultimately, most men want to make their wives happy. So in that effort, he’s willing to overlook a lot of challenging behaviors from her. Do you seek to make your wife happy? If so, that’s great. But ask yourself for a moment, […]
Dave was a big-shot commercial developer. Multimillion-dollar deals and big financial risks. Yet at home, he was risk-averse, often crippled by the slightest rejection from his wife. In 15 years of coaching married men, I’ve seen this dynamic of financial success and marital failure in a man many times. But with Dave, it was extreme. His wife didn’t seem to […]
“You don’t hear me.” “Why don’t you take me seriously?” “You don’t listen.” Does your wife say any of these things to you? It’s not uncommon for a guy to hear something similar from his wife. And there’s a good reason why. As men, we often struggle to keep up with our partner’s words. We feel like she’s verbose and […]
