I remember 8 years ago, I first started asking the question. It was in my kitchen where I was washing the dishes in my suburban house in Boulder, CO. Feeling quite desperate and overwhelmed with everything in my life – from running my business, helping run a household, raising a son, and all the other stuff that comes with it. […]
Marriage. Relationship. Coupledom. Commitment to one partner. That person you can rely on forever. Sounds beautiful upfront. And yet, if you’ve been in a long-term marriage or relationship, it’s not that simple. That one person is also the one who will trigger the sh*t out of you, causing you to feel trapped at times; in fact, that’s their job. The […]
Every month, a man struggling in his marriage emails me with a simple question. How can I save my marriage? Maybe you’re asking yourself this question. Or you’re avoiding it. Or you’re not even sure if your marriage is worth saving. You might be saying things like… “She’s just not open to me.” “She doesn’t trust me.” “I know I […]
It’s one of the toughest things we can do. In 15 years of coaching men in relationship, I’ve seen how it’s key to a man to take charge of his marriage. It cuts to the heart of answering the question. How do I fix my marriage? To do so, you must see your blind spot. Without doing so, you fall […]
Ten years ago, I was 44 years old, married 17 years, with a 15-year-old son. I’d been through many death and life cycles in my marriage. I was about to go through another one. My wife and I were in the kitchen, talking about what we should get my son for Christmas. She asked for my opinion. I brought my […]
Jake’s a big-shot engineer. An engineer who travels the country and lectures internationally. The rock star of engineers who trains other big-shot engineers. He’s brilliant. But like so many other successful men I speak with, his marriage is falling apart. Jake can’t reconcile himself to his own failure at home. He loves his kids, but he refuses to fully acknowledge […]
“My wife says I don’t listen to her,” Mike says. “And then I think,” he continues. “Listen to her? I can barely even follow her words.” He’s exasperated just talking about it. As the CEO of a high tech company, he’s a master of clear communication, but at home, he falters. “In the same breath, she says she had a […]
Symptoms. What ails you. Do you operate in your relationship at the level of symptoms? A “yes” means that you don’t give much thought to the quality of your relationship until symptoms, typically negative, appear. Be it… She doesn’t hear me. Or she complains a lot. Maybe it’s that she isn’t open to me. Or whatever your challenge is. If […]
“When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it can feel like hell.” Tom, a successful CEO, was not talking about his company but about, you guessed it, his marriage of 18 years. Does your marriage sometimes feel like hell? Maybe you can relate to Tom’s experience. “It’s just like we cross wires. I say one thing. She totally misinterprets […]
Serve, protect, provide. This is the mantra, conscious or not, that drives the behaviors of many married men. Ultimately, most men want to make their wives happy. So in that effort, he’s willing to overlook a lot of challenging behaviors from her. Do you seek to make your wife happy? If so, that’s great. But ask yourself for a moment, […]
