For me lately, it’s been The Creep is on my back. Say what?  Yes, the creep is on my back. But rewind first…

Dude breaks artery in his leg, spends five weeks on his back on a couch, and then BAM! one day gets so angry, nearly violent, he channels all his energy into walking again.  And he’s been walking ever since.  Yes, that’s me. And now it’s been a week.

My mantra since then? Listen! Listen! Listen!

Listen to my body. Feel every muscle, every strain, readjust, and keep working at it.  Build a leg that was near dead and atrophied.  Do leg presses, quad stretches, and soak at the gym. Get the leg working again.  Nobody told me to do this but my body is talking and I’m listening.

And then again, more, Listen! Listen! Listen!

Listen to my soul.  Push and walk. Push and walk, but not too much. Get back my autonomy, my freedom, and my power.  Get back on the mountain trails and literally, revive a part of my soul ecosystem, in connection to something bigger than myself, the land, to come alive again, to stay motivated, to inspire myself into action.

Great, body and soul getting stronger.  And then, as capacity comes online so too does someone else… who, you wonder?

The Creep. Yes, the Creep is on my back.

You need to get this done.
When are you going to do that?
You better not fuck that up.
You better call her because you are worthless without a woman.

So now the battle goes internal.
What is this about?  I wonder.
Why am I beating myself up?
Why have I lost my gratitude that I’m walking again?
And I could go on and on… and even beat myself up for beating myself up.

You’re weak.
You’re pathetic.
Stop this sissy recovery story and get back on the horse.
Sell your book.
Market your coaching work. 
And on and on…

It takes me a half day and more to see the pattern, to listen within, more listening.

What is going on?
Why am I so hard on myself?
Why, even when I’ve been through so much difficulty lately?

And then with some time, and further deepening, I get it.  This is not Me beating me up but someone else.  This is The Creep, My Inner Critic.

Many battles with my Critic over the years inform me that I need to push this Critic off his bully pulpit.
Back of the bus, Creep!
You can’t run my life!
Hands off the steering wheel!
I hear your concerns but you can’t run me.

And so, I keep reminding myself, and it’s not easy… The Critic is stubborn… but in time I feel who I am… and I get “selfed” – connected to who I really am and seek to be – an empowered, loving, and self-aligned individual.

And the Critic loses hold on me.  I know self-praise is kryptonite to him. So I load it on…

You are awesome for getting back on your feet again.
You showed up fully today.
You are a beautiful and empowered individual.

Experience tells me that my Critic is really just a wounded part of me, a whiny little boy, a brat, who didn’t get his needs met.

And then I get it… The Critic is a gift to help me heal old shit.

So, what’s this have to do with relationships?

It has a lot to do with self-relationship, how you interact with you.

What are you channelling these days – self-abuse, self-praise, peace or nothing?

Be a part of the conversation now.

Carpe diem