We seek it. We hunger for it. And yet often we give up on it. Betrayed by past failures. Or cynical about the state of the world.

But we need it. To stay vital. To feel the spark of life. All of us. We do.

And it is love. And it can be really hard to feel at times.

We often shut it down to protect ourselves. But paradoxically, this weakens us. Without it, we isolate. And studies show that emotional isolation is a more dangerous health risk than smoking or high blood pressure. (James House, University of Michigan)

To love. To be loved. To be in love, even.

Maybe it feels like a fool’s errand. You’ve been married for years but haven’t been in love for a long time. Being in love is kid’s play. A form of blindness. We love each other, it works, it’s enough.

And yet, has the spark been abandoned? Is there fear of stirring the pot? She’s just not there. Or he’s not open. There’s no point in going there,

But what happens when love is not available to you? When it’s out of your orbit?

Or maybe it’s just not working out. She wants kids, you don’t. He is moving to Japan for work and you won’t.  Or there’s no relationship. You feel alone.

What do you do when you feel the desire for love that’s just not there?

What do you do when the love you seek is not fulfilled by your partner?

Often, we won’t even go there. We won’t look at how love is or isn’t with us. We find other ways to get by. We numb ourselves with work, entertainment, alcohol, or drugs. We shut it down and just get on with life. Then again, some of us spend hours per day, swiping online for love.

And yet… there’s another way. It goes like this. One of the hardest practices you can do. Try it.

Take a deep breath into your belly. Another. And another. Now imagine the loss of love. The hurt of not being in in love with your partner. Or the pain of never having met your love. The sadness of the one you had to part from. The one you thought you’d go all the way with. Pause and feel it.

Feel that person.  See his or her eyes. Get lost in those eyes. See the color of the iris. The web of shades emanating from the pupil. The warmth of being seen and seeing the other. The sense of completeness. The heat rising in your chest. The physicality of connection.

Feel him or her right in front of you, radiant, reciprocating. Passionately project your love.

Now become the target of that love you project. Physically rotate your body 180 degrees and receive it. Feel the love energy coming at you.  Drink it in as if from a straw. Receive what you want to give.

Swirl that love within you. Feel the desire to share, connect, look into the eyes. And know those are your eyes. You are The One. You are him or her. You are capable of bringing the love back to yourself.

And when you know this, you smile. It is true. There is no lack to be feared. Only fullness. Aliveness. An energizing current.

You have this at your access. Everyday. It’s there for you. Say those three most difficult words to yourself – I love you.

And now you are recharged, fueled to know that love is not a fool’s errand. It is the fire of life that keeps you warm when you’re cold and connected when you’re lonely. Share it as a gift.

At any time, you can do this practice to feel love.  To change how you hold the world. To receive life’s challenges. To have compassion for yourself. To be safe and strong. To go out resourced onto life’s battlefield.

But often something gets in the way. Resistance. More on that next week.

My goal is to build a tribe of 10,000 passionate self-relationship warriors within the next year.

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