ve been sharing a bed with her for 20 years now,” James, a senior tech analyst and client, says to me.

“Typically at night, my wife will sit in bed, reading her book and I’m just thinking, how can I connect with her?

“Then I go to touch her, caress her arm. And then she’ll give me that look, like, are you kidding? Then it’s all bets off.

“This is infuriating because this has been going on for months. I feel trapped.”

Do you feel trapped in a sexless marriage?

For James, it was this.

“She needs to feel emotionally connected in order to feel physically connected. You work all the time, she says, then just expect sex from me.”

Maybe you can relate.

His wife needed to feel like he cared about her heart, her soul, her words. She needed his love.

James was mystified.

He gave his love in all kinds of ways.

He was very helpful around the household, doing the dishes after dinner, taking her out, working hard at his job to provide for their family.

He’d even sit and listen to her talk about her challenges with her mother.

Yet she was telling him she needed more in order to have sex with him.

Do you struggle to give your wife what she needs so that you can get what you want?

I see this is common with men who have been married for years. He can never meet the demands of his wife.

He feels like a dog who has to do a bunch of tricks in order to get fed.

Can you relate to having to do things right for your wife in order to get sex?

James inevitably began feeling lonely, unloved, and negative about the future prospect of his marriage.

To cope, he did like many guys do.

He used porn, he masturbated. He did whatever he needed to get his needs met.

No shame in that but it had limited payoffs.

How do you cope in your sexless marriage?

James wasn’t the guy to have an affair. He wants her, his wife, the woman he loves.

And yet his resentments were starting to build up. He didn’t feel hopeful about having sex with his wife on any regular frequency.

But things changed when James realized the hidden opportunity before him.

Check out the video below to discover the hidden opportunity in your sexless marriage.

The hidden opportunity for James was simply to start treating sex like a sacred act, instead of a transaction.

In our coaching, he learned what that meant for him and his wife. It focused on being relational with her, getting curious about her world, connecting with her in other ways emotionally in which she felt heard and seen.

What’s the hidden opportunity for you in your sexless marriage?

Shoot me a quick email and let’s talk to see what that is for you.

Life’s too short to settle for the status quo of a sexless marriage. You deserve better, brother.