Three scripts from three men about their sex challenges with their wives.

“She hasn’t touched me in weeks. She never initiates sex.”

“It’s like she doesn’t want me anymore. I feel hopeless.”

“I want it and I want it now. I’m sick of this shit.”

Are you frustrated with your sex life?

I have a lot of empathy for men experiencing sexual challenges.

After weeks, months, or even years without touch, intimacy, or sex, it’s easy for a guy to feel helpless, needy, or even desperate.

Let’s face it, we are mammals. We need closeness. We need touch.

“Yeah, right,” I can hear one of those men saying, “tell that to my wife.”

What should you do to experience more intimacy with your wife?

First, consider what most guys do. It’s something that diminishes intimacy. It is the big C word that separates our heart from our penis.

Compartmentalizing.

In one moment, we cut her down with a sarcastic comment about her weight or physical appearance. And then hours later, we expect her to be intimate with us.

Or we walk on eggshells, trying to score points with her in hopes of getting intimacy. But she sees through that inauthentic behavior.

“How can I get her to open up?” one of the men asks me.

“What can I do differently?” says another.

“How do I get more sex?”

Each man treats his wife like a problem to be fixed. He goes transactional.

He thinks something like… If I help her with the house, maybe she’ll give me more sex. If I do A, then maybe I’ll get B.

We stay focused on the sex and lose focus on her, the person. We separate kindness, trust, and respect from the physical act of sex.

If she feels insulted, unloved, unseen, and uncherished, she won’t want to have sex with you.

How can you cherish her when she feels unable to be cherished?

Stop compartmentalizing and instead, start connecting.

See her, the whole person. Listen to her, feel her, understand her. And do it without any expectation of reciprocation for sex.

Forget about your sex problem. What you’re experiencing is an intimacy problem.

Focus on experiencing more closeness with her – more meaningful conversations, heart-to-heart talks, touching, kissing her before you leave for work, hugging her when you come home.

“But that’s too much work. I just want sex,” a guy says.

I hear you, man, and I get it. For years, I had that mindset in a sexless marriage. It’s compartmentalizing.

I wrote about it in my Amazon best-selling book “Fixing You Is Killing Me.”

At the time, I missed what most men miss.

She’s a woman. She’s much less likely to compartmentalize the way you do. She does not see sex as a mere transaction.

To feel sexual, she has to be loved, seen, heard, and felt. Or else she does not open up sexually.

Do you create intentional time to connect emotionally with your wife?

Do you treat her like a whole person?

Are you open to her needs?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, watch the video below to learn how to connect with your wife to enhance your sex life.

As I say in the video, sex in a marriage is a long game. It requires the willingness to do some work.

The state of your sex life is a reflection of how close your wife feels to you.

Separating the physical from the emotional is easy for us guys.

To align the two is new terrain. Something required of us men only in the last 30 or so years.

Something we must work on if we are to experience a sexually fulfilling relationship.

Remember, you are not at the mercy of your wife when it comes to sex. You are at the mercy of yourself.

The authenticity of your intentions. The courage of your efforts. The willingness to show up emotionally.

Are you ready to transform your sex life with your wife?

If so, let’s have a quick chat.

Take the first step and shoot me a quick email.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your marriage. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

And for the many women reading these emails (yes, 50% of you), check out this special link just for women.

And for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly zoom calls, formerly known as The Men’s Relationship School.

To join your first call for free, just respond to this email with MRT Free in the subject and I’ll send you the link.