Why Therapy Often Falls Short For Men
Let’s say you have relationship problems. Where’s the first place you might turn? Likely, it’s a therapist.
That makes sense. There are lots of therapists out there. A dude assumes he’s got stuff to work out.
But when it comes to fixing his relationship problems, therapy often falls short for most men.
Why do guys often struggle in therapy?
In short, because therapy is not congruent with how a man is wired.
I was in therapy, on and off, for 11 years. While I got smarter about how my problems were happening, I did not get smarter in fixing those problems.
Don’t get me wrong. Lots of men say how therapy was amazing for them. And it can be. A guy can get a lot of self-awareness and a deep understanding of his emotional patterns. I did.
But what you often don’t get in therapy is something critical for men. And that is a clear road map of progress and implementation.
As my client Robert said, after working with three therapists, “nobody helped me connect the dots.”
Have you ever felt lost in therapy?
Often, in therapy, it’s the drama of the week. Different pieces of the puzzle each session. Some connect, some don’t. Rarely is there a clear path of implementation. That can frustrate the hell out of a guy.
Another client Kirk recently said, “In years of therapy, I got tons of great information and knowledge. But I didn’t know WTF to do with it. Typically, I would just put it in a box, stick under my bed, and forget about it.”
Why do guys struggle to implement in therapy?
A lot of guys come to me after years of therapy. So I have a sense of why. And it’s shaped how I coach guys — to give them what will serve them best.
And that’s offering something that therapy rarely offers. And that is an action-oriented plan of implementation that gets him wins, to keep him motivated to go after what he wants in his relationship.
Sound interesting? Hear me elaborate in the video below.
Let’s face it, guys don’t want to work hard on their relationship and not get results.
And that’s true even for the new age guys who love the spiritual growth stuff, asking themselves after the 25th workshop, “Why am I still swirling in the same old shit?”
Are you one of those guys who love the growth stuff but struggle to enact real change in your relationship?
Therapists often say, “You can’t just fix things. Therapy is a process.”
Therapy is process-oriented. It is NOT results-oriented.
And that can keep a dude spinning for a long time. Spinning and lost, wondering why he’s still at base camp and not at the mountain top when it comes to his relationship.
Most men I know just want to live better lives. They’re not looking to become psychology experts. Some guys may find that stuff interesting, but ultimately they want to know how to put it into action and make it stick to have a better relationship.
Do you want a better relationship with your partner?
If so, then take action now. Check out the video above to get a tip about “approval vs connection” and how to implement it to improve your relationship.
And then — this is a great opportunity — come debrief about how you did with other action-oriented guys on our next Men’s Relationship Tools call Tuesday at 9am mtn time.
Swirling in self-knowledge may feel good, but taking action to create the relationship you want is a hell of a lot more fulfilling.
