“This is a man’s world,” James Brown sang 54 years ago in his iconic 1966 ballad, “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World.”

That’s right. The Godfather of Soul.

This is a man’s world, this is a man’s world
But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl.

Brown goes on about the inventions man made, from cars to trains to boats. And in the last two lines, he sings…

He’s lost in the wilderness
He’s lost in bitterness, he’s lost lost.

What did Brown mean by “he’s lost?”
Lost without a woman?
Lost in his inventions that leave him loveless?
Lost in his thirst for power?

I can only intuit. The time was 20 years post WWII, 10 years post Korea, on the cusp of Vietnam.

A man’s world, it was, in the public realm. But what about at home?

In 1966, a man could still call the shots at home. A man could dictate how his children were raised. He could run all the family finances. He could smear his wife publicly if she attempted divorce.

And today? Is it still a man’s world?

Yes, in the majority of workplaces. Yes, for the powerful government and corporate elite.

But in relationship, in marriage, for the masses of us, men, fathers, and husbands, is it a man’s world? Many men would say no.

As feminists came in force in the 1970’s, women blew open the “man’s world.” And that’s a good thing.

But did it go too far when Gloria Steinem popularized the slogan, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle?” Did that serve women? Help their men become better partners?

54 years later, most men would say – She calls the shots at home. She decides how the kids are raised. And often, she keeps the family books.

54 years later, many men are still lost, in fact, more lost than ever. Lost in a world they see as a “woman’s world.” A world where women make up the vast majority of college students.

A world where homelessness, addiction, suicide, and violence plague men exponentially more than women. Where women initiate 90% of the divorces.

A man’s world?  Or a woman’s world?

Does it matter when you’re a man looking into your wife’s eyes? And she’s telling you to pack your bags?

Or scolding you for your most recent outburst? Or listing the things you forgot to get at the store?

What happened to men?
Why are we falling behind?
Why are women so unhappy with us?

As a men’s coach, I see men…
… devastated that their wife wants a divorce.
… failing in the pursuit of “happy wife, happy life.”
… struggling to speak their needs.

In time, these same men step in and get help. They break out of the “Man Box.” They ask for and receive what they want and need.

A man wants love.
A man needs respect.
A man wants to be trusted.

And so he courageously steps into the scariest parts of himself. In time and with work, he becomes the man he wants to be – with her, with himself, and in the world.

And this excites her. She begins to see and honor that man – loving, communicative, tender, and fierce.

And then he’s no longer saying, “A man’s world? A man’s world? Are you kidding me? She’s got me by the balls. I can never make her happy.”

That was my story once upon a time.  If that’s yours, it doesn’t have to be.

Make a change. You’ll love yourself for it. And so might she.

P.S. Interesting trivia: James Brown developed his impassioned ballad from lyrics written by a woman, Betty Newsome. Her words were derived from the Bible and her observations of some of her ex-boyfriends, including the Godfather of Soul himself.

P.S.S. Check out the short sweet song now from the Godfather. It’s a good one. Enjoy!