Anger – it’s common for good guys like us to suppress it.

We don’t want to be that dominator or aggressive asshole. But still we’re human. So inevitably anger might bubble up now and then.

Maybe anger comes up when your wife says that you’re checked out, or you’re not consistent with your words, or you’re just not enough for her. Maybe you’re angry at her for being sexually shut down.

Whether or not you give yourself permission to acknowledge it, anger may still live in you.

Do you have suppressed anger at your wife?

If so, chances are, like me, you inadvertently unleashed your anger on her a few times. And it put you in the doghouse, big time.

I remember a few times in my 20+ year marriage when I vented on my wife. And then afterwards, besides feeling like crap, I was like, damn, she sure as hell ain’t giving me no loving for a while now. And that was after weeks of trying to win points with her.

But I’m here to tell you, brother, anger is not the problem. It’s the way we as good guys deal with it, that’s the problem.

Typically, we suppress anger or push it down. We often do so because we don’t trust anger, and with reason.

We’ve seen how much harm it’s caused in the world. Or we’ve been the object of it ourselves, from a tyrannical father or other adult.

But when we suppress anger, it compresses within us. It builds up, swells, and eventually unleashes explosively like a dragon breathing fire.

What if instead you could use your anger as a superpower to work for your relationship instead of against it?

To do that, first recognize that there is a vital energy in anger, for us men. An energy that is critical for our well-being. An energy that we often suppress.

To access that vital energy, you must learn to work with the emotion of anger – the part that causes you to lose your mind and better judgement – to extract the vital information that it has for you.

And that’s how you can use anger productively in your relationship.

The best way to do that is to separate from your anger. To treat it like a character outside of you. To ask it…

Anger, what do you want from me?

Typically anger will answer. It wants you to correct a wrong or an injustice, something that was done to you.

That could be your wife yelling at you, attacking your character, or simply saying, “You’re lazy. You’re a weak man. You never…”

And it’s in this moment, where we must separate the emotion of anger from the information it seeks to deliver to us.

And that information comes to us in words like “Don’t take that shit from her!” Or “She can’t talk to you like that!” Or “Stand up for yourself, man!”

But the problem is we get so wrapped up in the emotion that we never get to the healthy self-advocacy that anger ultimately seeks of us.

Does anger jack you up to the point where you don’t even know what words are coming out of your mouth?

Anger wants you to stand up for yourself, to self-advocate. Not to attack or berate your partner.

The beauty of healthy self-advocacy is you no longer have to hide, suppress, or withhold your vitality, your aliveness, your healthy desire to be loved, respected, and treated well.

And instead of fearing aggression, you can assert yourself. Speak kindly and lovingly for what you want. That can sound like…

“Hey, sweetie, you lose me when you attack me like that. That does not feel good. I want to stay connected to you, even in this challenging moment.”

What is it that you want to self-advocate for in your relationship?

Check out the video below to discover how to use anger productively in your relationship, and an even more powerful emotion underneath anger that gives you access to your greatest and most loving self-advocate for the benefit of you and your partner.

Are you that guy who explodes or suppresses anger in his relationship?

Well, that suppression is just the tip of the iceberg. And underneath it, are a host of other withholds depriving you of the vitality that you ultimately seek in relationship.

Life’s too short to betray yourself. Get out of your withholds. Get out of what you suppress. And go after the loving, fulfilling, and kick-ass relationship you deserve.

To do just that, check out The Men’s Relationship School. A school that is built on a decade of the best of my work coaching men in relationship.

Let’s face it, not every guy is ready for the deeper commitment and investment of 1:1 coaching. That’s why I created The Men’s Relationship School. I’m offering it for a low monthly fee of $89.

Try it out for free and learn how to…

• USE YOUR ANGER PRODUCTIVELY for healthy self-advocacy in your relationship.
• Have a strong backbone to GET THE RESPECT AND LOVE you want.
• GET PAST YOUR FEARS of her freak outs and stay bold and calm in the heat of conflict.
• And more.

Not a group guy? To talk 1:1, shoot me a quick email.

And join my men’s-only private Facebook Group Men Mastering Relationship for inspiring daily relationship tips and action items just for men.