Fear. An emotion that goes underground for most men at a young age.

It happened to me when I was just 5 years old. It was then that I first learned fear wasn’t okay for a boy.

I remember my older brother, who was eight at the time, said to me, “What are you afraid of, you little baby? Little Stu Stu’s gonna cry. Scaredy cat.”

BAM! Message received. It’s not ok to experience fear.

How old were you when you first felt fear?

Maybe you have a story like me where someone, an older sibling, a kid on the playground, or an adult said, fear is not welcome here.

If so, chances are that like me and most men, you learned to put fear underground at a young age.

And then you buried it years later as an adult in your marriage. It happens in many ways.

I fear her blowing up on me again.

Will she go all cold and distant again?

I fear being alone if things don’t work out.

Is my marriage a failure?

In over 15 years of coaching men in relationship, I’ve seen men respond to their fears in two primary ways.

How do you handle fear in your relationship?

One is the tough-guy approach. A man buries his fear and acts like he’s whipped it but underneath it’s driving his behaviors.

Verbal tantrums. A need to control things. A sense of never being safe but projecting otherwise.

The second way is the wimp approach. A guy tries to do all he can to make sure he doesn’t upset his partner. He walks on eggshells.

Ultimately, he tries to get safe from his fears by trying to make everyone else safe but inside, he’s a wreck.

His partner feels no safety with him. She has no sense of his boundaries. She never knows where he really stands on things because he follows her like a ping pong ball.

What’s your greatest fear in your relationship?

Both approaches try to make fear go away. But fear doesn’t just go away. It goes underground, into the shadows.

And it can keep a man stuck in a toxic relationship for years on end.

The biggest fear I’ve seen coaching men is a man’s fear of being alone.

Of course, saddle that up with fear of being a failure, fear of letting down his kids. And the list could go on and on.

But his fear of being alone is the giant elephant in the room. Once a man gets past it, he’s finally free to create the marriage he ultimately wants.

How does fear of being alone impact how you approach your relationship?

Consider, instead of getting past fear, conquering fear, or burying it, all of which create an inner civil war, developing a relationship with fear.

Own it. Don’t project it onto your partner. And don’t let it hold you hostage in a toxic marriage.

How can you use fear of being alone to work for you instead of against you?

Learn more in the video below.

Do you stay in a challenged marriage for fear of being alone?

That fear can be crippling. It keeps you at a low energy level. And it keeps you divided in your relationship.

What if instead, fear had a valuable message for you? And you could receive that message?

That’s when you’ll be freed up to be the man you want to be in relationship – confident, capable, and caring.

It’s time to end your inner civil war with fear.

Action is the only way to get out of living the rest of your life in fear.

Take a first simple step. Shoot me a quick email. Let’s talk for 45 minutes. A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on fear.

And when we talk, there’s no sales job, just an honest conversation between two men being kind and real.

I’d be honored to hear from you because I know that even the first small step of an email is a huge act of courage.

If that’s too big of a step for you, consider checking out the Men’s Relationship School where we are talking about sex, marriage, and more.

Join your first call for free by replying now. Or just sign up for $47/month.

And lastly, if you´re currently going through a divorce, reply to get the support you need during a hard time.