Rick was like many of my clients.

A high-achieving executive, he crushed it at work but at home all his skills and talents fell flat.

His marriage was floundering and his wife was unhappy.

Do you get more validation at work than from your wife?

If you do, it would make sense that you might be avoidant at home.

Such was the case for Rick. He struggled to deal with his wife’s negativity.

At the same time, Rick’s wife felt abandoned.

So, she turned up the volume on her complaints of him.

Rick couldn’t help but notice.

Does your wife accuse you of not being what she needs you to be?

Rick had to confront what was going on at home.

On his own, he started trying to listen more. But more often than not, he just got an earful of complaints.

He wanted to fix the problem, get his wife off his back, and have more peace at home.

But whatever he did, his wife wasn’t having it.

As far as she was concerned, the damage was done, and there was no fixing it.

That’s when Rick and I started talking.

Does your wife bludgeon you with the past?

Rick wanted to just get his wife off his back. That was a top level approach.

I took him much deeper to ask him this question.

A question that allowed him to connect with the discord within himself of being a man who pretends to be a good guy trying to fix things at home, but really just wants peace for himself.

I asked him…

What is your soul asking of you in this relationship?

At first, Rick couldn’t grasp it. We had a talk about soul.

Soul is that part of you that wants you to be in integrity with yourself, wants you to get the love you deserve, wants you to not hide out or play small.

After a short while, a light bulb went off for Rick.

He got it that this was not just about his wife and her complaints. This was all calling him into a bigger version of himself.

To be a man of courage and integrity in his marriage.

This meant showing up out of care for his wife and his desire for a fulfilling marriage and not just to get her off his back.

With deeper work, he got to know himself and build the self-esteem to not take on her complaints about the past.

Instead, he chose to be accountable for what he had done prior and offer his wife an invitation into a new way of being together in the future.

Rick’s situation was asking for him to step into himself in a way that he didn’t even know was possible, to create the marriage he wanted.

What’s your soul asking of you in your relationship?

Most of what you can do for your marriage or relationship is work on yourself.

Transform who you’ve become in the relationship.

You change and then she’s much more likely to change.

Access the opportunity in your current relationship challenges.

Take the first step. Shoot me a quick email.

Stay Strong & Be Relational,
Stu

P.S. Join a group of men tackling their relationship challenges head-on, online every Tuesday at 12pm ET on the Men’s Relationship Tools calls.

First call is free. Reply to get a zoom link.