“When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it can feel like hell.”

Tom, a successful CEO, was not talking about his company but about, you guessed it, his marriage of 18 years.

Does your marriage sometimes feel like hell?

Maybe you can relate to Tom’s experience.

“It’s just like we cross wires. I say one thing. She totally misinterprets it. And then she’s off to the races about how I don’t care about her and I’m selfish.”

Tom pauses and takes a deep breath.

“And I’m left scratching my head, wondering, what am I an alien? It’s like we’re on different planets.”

How do we miss each other as partners?

Why are we so distant at times?

And how can what was once the greatest love of your life become a hell?

Often these questions swirl in a guy’s solitary mind, unknown to anyone.

He feels isolated and fearful of talking to anyone about it, even fearful he’ll be found out.

Maybe he’ll eventually talk to a friend or a therapist. And he gets a bunch of stuff off his chest and feels less alone but nothing changes.

Unlike a therapist, as a coach, I’m not particularly focused on you getting stuff off your chest, but more on how you can take action to turn your hell into a heaven, or at the very least, a stable place you can call home.

How can you turn the hell of your marriage into a heaven or stable home?

You have to be willing to take risks. And that means wise risks. Risks that get you payoffs.

In truth, many guys would rather swirl in the why and stay stuck in what I call the maze of self-blame and blaming their wife.

He prefers the hell he knows to the heaven that’s an unknown. And in some ways, that’s common to human nature in its raw unconscious state.

We don’t even know we’re choosing hell. But we damn sure feel it.

Have you co-created a hell of your marriage?

If so, check out the video below to discover a quick filter to know if you are choosing a comfortably known hell over an unknown heaven awaiting you.

Nobody wants to live in hell. Of course not.

And yet when we spiral into the same old arguments with our partner without moving the needle of our relationship forward, choosing comfort over the unknown, we choose hell.

The inferno burns and it f*#king hurts.

You can do better than hell. But you have to be willing to take risks, get uncomfortable, and get the right help.

And I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I’m the right help for you.

To find out, you have to take a risk, just like Tom did, who turned around the hell of his marriage, working with me.

Take the first step and shoot me a quick email.

A guaranteed, powerful conversation to help you get the upper hand on your marriage. I’d be honored to hear from you.

And to be clear, talking with me is just an honest, real conversation between two guys. No sales pitch.

And for the many women reading these emails (yes, 50% of you), check out this special link just for women.

And for the men who aren’t ready to talk 1:1 and still want to transform their marriage, check out the Men’s Relationship Tools weekly zoom calls, formerly known as The Men’s Relationship School.

This February, join all men’s relationship tools call for free. To take advantage just email me with MRT Free in the subject and I’ll send you the link to join the call.