From Emancipated: Breaking The Chains of Self Betrayal To Thrive In Uncertain Times (Spring 2017 publication date)

“I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.”

-Nelson Mandela –

Mandela personified a man always with his eye on the next great hill to climb. He made it his modus operandi to look at what was confronting him – be it a jail cell, a revolution, a fragile nation – and to see the opportunity of what lay ahead of him. And in the landscape of your life, you have the same opportunity.

Your fragile nation may be the family you’re barely hanging onto. Your revolution may be toppling the old ways in which you betray yourself in relationship. Whatever lives in you, every day you wake up, you either meet the challenges of your life head on or you abdicate. The choice is yours. But first you must know it.

Mere consciousness is step one. Start there. Every day, ask yourself, am I stepping up or checking out? At work, in relationship, with my partner, with my family, in life? (I keep this question on my refrigerator.) This is not self judgement but inner knowing.

For years, I operated without this consciousness. Like most of us, I did what was in front of me, not by design, but by default. While I always had a sense of the great hills I needed to climb, I did not have the confidence, courage, or willingness to step up. Instead, I hid in shadow.

Shadow said, you better stay small, Stuart, because if you don’t you might let down the ones you love, you might disappoint your family. What I hid from, what I kept in the dark, was my willingness to step up to live my vision of myself, my family, my community.

A big piece for me was my vision of my life’s work that I had since I was fifteen years old. An inner knowing (gulp!) that I had a lot to give to the world as a coach, speaker, author.

In life, we don’t step up in life because we get stuck in shadow, a part of ourselves that we repress, deny, or hide.

We can work for two decades, kicking ass to rise to partner in a prestigious law firm, and do it all in shadow. Yes, law partner is a great achievement and not to be dismissed. But if the unconscious motivation is proving to your father that you can make it in the world or demonstrating your self-worth through your professional status, you are in shadow.

And very likely, you are not stepping up where it counts – your family, your passion, etc – where your soul wants you to. And this has a cost. It shows up in broken marriages, lost relationships with our kids, explosions at work, alienation from our community.

We must show up where it matters most, and often that is the most difficult place, the place we most avoid, that scares us most. And because we have few cultural teachings to guide us, we don’t discover this until life demands it of us.

And only then, if we’re lucky, we might just see the opportunity that lays ahead of us, and begin ascending that next great hill to climb.

If that opportunity is your relationship, consider joining me Saturday, January 28. Learn more here.

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